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A Letter to my Beloved

September 8, 2010

You know in those old films, when the girl is is saying goodbye to the guy? He’s on the train, she’s on the platform, and they’re holding hands, and as the train starts moving, she’s still holding on, running to keep up until she reaches the end of the platform – and that’s it. He’s gone.

And even though she spent every moment of the last month with him, it’s not enough.

I haven’t actually seen those films, but that is Ramadan to the Muslim who loves it. We know Ramadan as the ‘honoured guest’; it comes and it goes and we love it and look forward to its visit all year, miss it when it’s gone, and make plans for the next time it comes. Plans to spend every possible minute together.

Did you ever have those conversations, probably at 2am, where the person you’re speaking to (WAS IT A BOY, HM?) is trying to leave because they need to sleep and you…well, you don’t?

‘I have to go’
‘I don’t want you to : (‘
‘I know, but I really have to’
‘NO DON’T GO’
‘I’M GOING’
‘ NOOOO’
‘Gone’
‘NO NO NO NO NO NO COME BACK NUUUUU’

Do you get it? I don’t want it to be over. I want it to be Ramadan forever and every day and all the time. I need Ramadan like pizza needs cheese, like the beach needs the sea, like a car needs petrol, like sushi needs soy sauce – like a fasting person needs food.

Without you, Ramadan, I slip back into the mediocre everyday me – but with you, I’m always more. You’re a reason to try harder, and to be better. When you’re here, I’m here – more present in my life than any other time. You make me look at myself harder.

I love you and I miss you and I will wait for you. I will try to be happy tomorrow, or the day after, but today, now, I am very sad.

Don’t go, Ramadan. What if I’m not here when you come back?

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. September 8, 2010 12:37 pm

    I’m going around with this feeling of sadness in my heart….

  2. Allumer permalink
    September 8, 2010 12:39 pm

    I think my face might be a little wet – BUT I’M NOT CRYING!

    Seriously though, every year the last qutbah of Ramadan our Imam gives is a mirror of this post and I always feel a little chokey because there is no other time we live through during the year that FEELS so different in every way – everything is magnified.

    I’m going off to heave a few quivery sighs and wipe my face off.

  3. September 8, 2010 9:54 pm

    One more day – I’m so happy. I wasn’t ready for it to be over today.

    I’m not ready for it to be over tomorrow, either, though. : (

    I wish people who aren’t Muslims could feel what we feel in Ramadan.

    I was watching the 29th night Makkah Taraweeh last night and subhanallah, are there even words for the awe and the ache and the fullness of your heart? So many people. So much barakah. It’s what brought on this post. (Yes, I do take pictures of my TV. But I decided to consult YouTube instead.)

    What is there in the world that is worth giving this up for?

    • Allumer permalink
      September 9, 2010 12:42 pm

      Happy last day of Ramadan! For me too, I guess. Eid Mubarak.

      • September 11, 2010 6:46 pm

        Eid mubarak! It’s today for you, right? Yesterday for us!

  4. September 9, 2010 3:51 pm

    i have no words to use in a reply for this post. so i’m sending my feelings…

    ….

    …..

    …..

    • September 11, 2010 6:46 pm

      These are my feelings back:

      /sigh

  5. Umm Ammar permalink
    September 10, 2010 10:22 am

    That was beautiful masha’Allah.

    Eid Mubarak!!

    • September 11, 2010 6:45 pm

      Eid mubarak to you, too! Jazakillah khair for the comment. 🙂

  6. September 12, 2010 10:43 pm

    Mashallah…

  7. September 13, 2010 5:34 am

    I feel like this too. Sigh.

    Eid Mubarak!

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