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I Love Your Freckles…

May 25, 2010

Rivenheart had the fantastically brilliant suggestion of posting about something we’ve never done before. After a night of stressing that this would be another thing on my list of things to figure out, Saya reminded me that I probably do new things every day and just need to realise this. With an s: realise. This makes it even more special and noteworthy, in case you’re wondering. I think if she’d said realize, I wouldn’t actually have realised how right she is. But I did. And she is.

Today I did something I have wanted to do for a long time. Like forever, really. It wasn’t perfect, and I could have done it better, but I was brave to do it at all, and in a place that freaks me out to no end: The Farmer’s Market. God help me, the Farmer’s Market. A place so full of neighborly goodness and positive thinking and fresh food and smiling people and tanned faces and live guitar music and dogs and children. Picture me shuddering right now as I describe this… Yeah, good.

Farmer’s Markets cause an unpleasant reaction in me: I feel so on the spot, so self-conscious and money-conscious, and yet so compassionate for the farmers. I want to buy all their stuff, and something from each, but I have a wallet, and it is not made of magic. And there they are: standing on the other side of their long tables, smiling, waiting for me to decide, to pick something up, to support their livelihoods. I’d rather run to the grocery store and buy apples from New Zealand and grapes from Mexico than feel the way I feel at the FM.

It’s time to say what it is that I did that was special, because it wasn’t just braving my Farmer Fears. I saw a woman there who was on the FM board or something, not a farmer. She was heavy, wildly freckled, curly-haired and smiley. I saw her once and we smiled at each other. Later we saw each other again and smiled again—then I felt like a wierdo for staring, so I felt compelled to confess to her: “I keep looking at you because I love your freckles.” She was so surprised. “I said “You’re just so cute. I know people who don’t like freckles but I don’t get it!'” She admitted that as she’s grown up she’s come to appreciate them and her curly hair more than she did as a teenager. We chatted a minute and she laughed and thanked me and I went back to my miserable shopping experience, but… I had done this one thing I’ve wanted to do so many times and not: spoken up for beauty.

Why should Hollywood and magazines and GAP ads declare beauty for us? I can’t stand them being the only ones. I love big noses, crazy hair, scruffy beards, and funky dressers. I love when people look so different they’d never be on a billboard. I love weird looking people. I love to see someone carrying themselves with confidence, however they look. I love all the different faces of this human family. I just can’t stand that we aren’t all the time walking around admitting this to each other: that we’re all lovely. I can’t be the only one thinking it.

In a perfect world, I wouldn’t even care enough to think about this—because I really don’t think it matters one bit how you dress or the color of your hair or whether you cover your hair all up, or whether you don’t shave your legs or pits, or if you have dreads or big feet or dry elbows. I don’t think it matters if you are typically pretty or handsome, heavy or thin, feminine or tomboyish or effeminate or whatever. I would like to live in a place where none of this ever comes up, but I don’t. It comes up all the time, and I’m raising human beings in a place where people comment on looks, on cuteness, on beauty, on handsomeness, where the pressures of How You Look are all around us and I fight them away from my children any chance I get or at least we talk about how it’s not how you look that matters but who you are. And so, while I’d rather just not care, I also feel the need to speak up to beautiful bright-faced women (I just can’t do this for men unless it’s someone I’m good friends with, though it would be nice if the men could do it for each other) who don’t look the typical image of women on tv, but better, to me. I think they should know in case they have doubts, that they are awesome.

A big part of me feels it’s useless/misguided/wrong to comment on someone’s looks because what’s inside is what truly matters. But it is what it is. Plus, it’s external praise and that’s a tricky thing—to appreciate it but not need it. There have been times it’s the only thing I’ve wanted, and other times it’s the very last thing I care to hear because I just don’t give a crap (or don’t want to give a crap) and compliments muddle the puddle. Who knows if someone I compliment will not want to hear it? I won’t know until it’s too late. But with good intentions, I started something new. I would have rather said to the woman at the FM that she is totally gorgeous. But I settled for what came out: her freckles. And that’s enough for now. Just like being stage-frightened at the market, but still buying stuff, I offered a bit of sisterly admiration even though it wasn’t exactly perfect.

Thank you Rivenheart for the inspiration!


AFTERTHOUGHTS (because why stop writing now?)

I love that shirt. We need more like it: I love my double chin. I love my hairy toes. I love my big feet. I love my unibrow. I love my stretch marks. I love my flabby biceps. I love my acne. I love my belly. I love my patchy beard. I love my crooked teeth… Oh I could go on for years. Ah, finally I will make my fortune…

I can’t believe that the other, totally feminine, Rosie the Riveter is on magnets and shirts. The one above is SO MUCH BETTER.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the whether praise has any worth regarding external appearances, or if maybe it’s the root of all evil and if we all suddenly dropped the topic en masse, the world would be filled with rainbows and peace. Because I also think that… despite this post…

You will earn my undying (yet conditional) love if you can guess (without being Saya) who that Freckled Girl is in the second image. (Okay… Saya you can guess after 24 hours.) The clue is: Lake of Shining Waters.

28 Comments leave one →
  1. Kaimalino permalink
    May 25, 2010 4:32 am

    Thanks so much for this post.
    I have so many issues related to appearance it’s embarassing (don’t judge me! It will only add to my insecurity!), because I like to think I’m thoughtful and sophisticated enough to be above all that. . . but really inside I am still just the yellow-haired eighth grader who’s an entire head taller and six shades paler than the rest of her classmates and wondering when (WHEN?!), if ever, I can be the right kind of pretty.
    I was moaning to Saya and Rivenheart only hours ago about the woes of having skin described in Hawai’i as “shark bait.” Oh, and the one other LDS girl in my grade and I were called the BMWs–as in, “Big Mormon Women.” It was mostly affectionate, but it didn’t help my appetite for about four solid years. (Yep–Leesie’s “Ice Queen” teasing from “Taken by Storm” struck a chord with me. Been there.)
    In recent years I have been at war with my mummy tummy. It’s only been in the past year that I’ve been able to say honestly that sure, there is some physical evidence that I have carried and birthed three gorgeous children, but I’m OK with that because my life’s goal isn’t to permanently look like I am 17. I am older and wiser and just all around *better* now than I was when I was 17, and the trade-off is worth it a thousand times over.
    And really, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding have given me a whole new appreciation for my body that I didn’t have before, an appreciation of its amazing functionality and not just its appearance. I’m finally starting to be able to appreciate that I’m stronger than I’ve ever been (I can do three pull-ups now! It’s 15 years too late to impress my high school P.E. teacher, but still, it’s a major accomplishment for me.) and savor that regardless of what the scale says. I am healthy and my heart disease risk is lower for every mile I can run. I’m OK, and a little more OK as time goes on, and I desperately want to model OK-ness for my family.
    I do try to be generous with compliments, and often appearance-related compliments are the quickest and easiest observation I can make. I would love to be in your ideal world, even just for a weekend retreat, but I also imagine that many people are as insecure as I am and could use a little bolstering. Perhaps I am only enabling more unhealthy obsessions. . . . ?
    I love Rosie the Riveter, especially this original one. She’s all-around awesome.
    Have you ever read any of Alfie Kohn’s books? He is critical of empty praise, especially when heaped upon children. He’s an expert on motivation, and how to instill intrinsic motivation in people without a lot of external bribery. He talks a lot about offering encouragement and validation and observing positive behavior or even praising careful choices or hard work, but not declaring a child “good.” So, instead of saying “Your painting is excellent!” you’d say “I love this green color you have chosen!” or “You are drawing those flowers so carefully.” His observations changed the way I talk to my children, and even the way they talk to each other. Sometimes even my appearance-related compliments echo Aflie Kohn’s philosophies, and I catch myself saying things like, “You have such a knack for choosing beautiful jewelry.”
    I meet lots and lots of newborn babies and mothers. I have a whole arsenal of non-appearance-related compliments I pass out in these circumstances, both because I think “Your baby is so cute!” starts to feel trite and insincere and because honestly (don’t stone me!) it’s not always true. If I’m talking to a haggard mom who hasn’t slept since last Thursday with a four-pound baby with an oxygen tube up his nose who looks like a featherless baby bird, it hardly seems the time to gush about appearances. I say things like, “you’re working so hard,” and “You’re so devoted/in tune/sensitive to your baby’s needs/such a knowledgable advocate for your child/doing everything you can to show your love for your baby.” It’s always more sincere–and I hope, empowering–than any comment about how “you look great.”
    Interested to read other comments. I love the farmer’s market! And I especially love that you were brave enough to step out of your comfort zone to make someone’s day nicer, regardless of all the baggage related to cultural expectations surrounding appearance.

  2. May 25, 2010 2:23 pm

    kai, thanks so much for saying all of this. i can so very much relate and i want to respond when i have more time.

    i popped on to say i posted a clue about the freckled girl.

    • May 26, 2010 1:15 am

      Oh oh before I look at your clue, I THINK I know who it is but what if I am wrong?

      Going to look at the clue now…ah. I was totally wrong. But I know who it is now! Because the clue is a total giveaway.

      Firstly, as ever: I love this post. It is so…fresh and wholesome and you can tell you don’t live in a big dirty city full of grubby politicians and dodgy dealings and gum all over the pavements and irate bus-drivers and irate men and even more irate women. If there is such a thing as an inverse version of the country-bumpkin complex, I’ve got it. City-hick syndrome? A wormy little grub amongst splendid worms! (I mean that in the nicest way possible. Worms are wonderful creatures.)

      I have a bad feeling if I try to write all the things I am thinking after this post and Kai’s comment, I may not get anything else done tonight.

      Look in the background of the picture! There’s Orlando Bloom there, at your Farmer’s Market ^_^

      Oh FMs, I have a gripe about those things. Being at that point in life where my ethical views are loftier than my means, I really feel that going organic, buying local, supporting indie businesses and so on is a luxury for the wealthy. In principal, I think it’s an excellent idea – I understand better than most people how difficult it is to make ends meet when you are a small independent business in a bigger market. I would love to be able to buy ethically-sourced fairtrade produce, as much as I would like to patronise my local indie bookshop instead of Amazon, but the truth is, I can’t afford it. And that’s the way it’s going to be until I have loads and loads of money which may be never.

      Maryam, I think subsistence farming is your answer. My sister’s growing potatoes in a bag in our garden. If she can do it, so can you!

      But anyway. Freckles!

      I loved that I read your post the day after I contemplated making my trying-something-new-for-the-first-time striking up a friendly conversation with every stranger I possibly could. I abandoned the idea rather quickly (because the bus was full of serious-suited City-types reading the Financial Times, and they scare me) – and I am glad I did because I couldn’t have done it with a quarter as much panache as you have, and likely it would’ve been an inane comment about how shiny their cufflinks were followed by an attempt to steal them and then they would have to call me the Muslim Magpie Mugger and would think all Muslims everywhere are nutters when in fact it would only be me.

      Sorry, I digress.

      I agree with pretty much everything you said about looks, but I do think there’s an important distinction to make in terms of natural appearance, and grooming. I believe in grooming. Horses need grooming and so do people. Just because hair grows doesn’t mean it should go wild and crazy. It grows. Brush it. Wash it. Wear nice clothes. Trim your nails. Hygiene is important, too.

      The freedom to look how you want to look shouldn’t be an excuse for slovenliness, and often, it is. Which is a shame, because most people are immoderate and like to decry things in ‘one fell swoop’, which can bring a lot of grief to a lot of people.

      After grooming: what you said! It’s one of the things I really liked about the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. Real women and real people don’t have a single shape or a single look. Everyone is different, and that is something to love about yourself and about everyone else and to be grateful to God for. The modern world is so obsessed with human homogenisation – homogeny is not something you find in nature, and there’s a reason for that. Some people are cream and some people are buttermilk and some people are butter and other people are cheese and yet other people are curds or whey or…whatever. It doesn’t matter. They’re all important and valuable. Cream isn’t better than yoghurt anymore than a cow is better than a chicken or ‘shemla’ (the Bengali way of describing a dark complexion) is better than shark-bait. They are simply different. And that’s the way it is meant to be.

      Ooo Kai, I second Maryam’s thank-you-for-sharing : )

      I’m terrible with compliments. Accustomed to receiving the backhanded type (thank you to all the aunties!), my first reaction is to laugh it off – also given the abiding belief that people clearly are blind or haven’t met enough decent people. Giving compliments I’m much better at, but they are rarely premeditated or preformulated. That does put me very much in mind of one of the funniest parts of Pride and Prejudice when Mr Bennet is messing with Mr Collins:

      ‘…you may imagine that I am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies. I have more than once observed to Lady Catherine that her charming daughter seemed born to be a duchess, and that the most elevated rank, instead of giving her consequence, would be adorned by her. — These are the kind of little things which please her ladyship, and it is a sort of attention which I conceive myself peculiarly bound to pay.’

      ‘…You judge very properly,’ said Mr. Bennet, ‘and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?’

      ‘They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.’

      Mr. Bennet’s expectations were fully answered. His cousin was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with the keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most resolute composure of countenance, and, except in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.

      – Chapter 14, P&P

      The Compliment is really one of the incarnations of Encouragement. I can’t find the reference right now, but I remember there was an article in the Economist about the significance of encouragement in improving brain function (I might totally have made that up – I’ll ask my friend I was having the conversation with). So, um, I can’t finish this point until I find out what it was exactly XD

      And now, you will be pleased to hear Kai, I must sleep! Having not dealt with my backlog.

      • May 26, 2010 5:31 am

        ah, as with kai i will respond more later to your sharing! but your post did make me realize i have moved on far enough from the anxiety and offensiveness of traveling into the city to school (ie being hit on by homeless men). and that’s a good thing because i’m not a city girl. not one bit.

      • May 26, 2010 2:47 pm

        HAHA saya! your quotes are so apt! You have to love Mr Collins though!

      • Kaimalino permalink
        May 26, 2010 3:48 pm

        Yes, I fear I am sometimes the Mr. Collins of lactation counseling. 😉

  3. May 26, 2010 2:02 pm

    and honey, if i read that clue i wouldn’t have gotten it! i think you have a better memory than you know…

    • May 26, 2010 2:46 pm

      I love your refreshing post, and the courage of speaking to that woman to appreciate her freckles.

      I find normal women on the street, at work, in supermarkets etc.. much more beautiful than airbrushed, unrealistic women in the media.

      But although it is important to love one’s body, it is important not to let yourself got the opposite way and become slobs or worse, stranger to personal hygiene (yes, I see a lot of that when getting up close and personal with patients when examining)

      Bravo! and Encore

  4. May 27, 2010 5:35 am

    saya, what who in the background? where?

    i have been thinking and thinking how to give a condensed (not eons long) reply about affording or not affording farmers markets. i hope i succeed. part of the shortness will be in not, i tell myself NOT paraphrasing barbara kingsolver or her husband. just say no.

    i’m currently in the throes (well it’s not that bad) of changing my mental patterns around money and food and how they relate. i’m reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, by kingsolver and i’m right at the point where she and her honey are discussing the idea of wanting to pay the least for the most, of buying cheap food, of what we actually pay in government subsidies, tax dollars, gasoline costs, healthcare for food-related illness, and environmental disaster—and breaking it down into yearly cost per person in the U.S.. not—going—to—paraphrase—or—type—out—passages. no. read the book if you want. or there’s a good movie my parents have seen, what’s it called? do you know? i’ll find out tomorrow. there is a lot to understand about how the goverment is ruining farming, and how we KIND OF NEED FARMERS. one point is how genetically modified food contain bacterial elements (i hesitate to use the fancy word DNA because i’m not clear on this) and animal genes (oops i did it). i’m a vegetarian, and even if i wasn’t, it’s not like those are halaal genes. i’d rather buy a local tomato or grow my own than buy one that can withstand a long journey from timbuktu because it has pig genes in it. fer sure. *shudder*

    my part in this change is to decide that i believe i can be not rich and still buy healthy. i’m choosing to buy less, and buy better. in order to not break the bank and incur the frustration of certain men i’m married to (actually just one), i decided to make our food budget drastically less AND do what i want which is to buy organic or local as much as i can. for the last month i’ve been doing this and i didn’t really think it was going to work. BUT IT IS. it’s working. i cut our budget nearly in HALF and am buying better food. less is being wasted (instead of buying huge amounts of GMO veggies for a few bucks and them going bad or being forgotten in the mass of similar bags in the fridge). i’m having to think more about what to actually buy, so i’m not overbuying weekly. basically, i think, by the grace of God this is working. nobody’s suffering. the kids each got their own quart (or pint?) of freshly picked strawberries today at the market. i’m getting my beloved pastured eggs again with their orange orange ORANGE yolks (so much healthier than other eggs, and from *happy* chickens who see sun and bugs and grass). i’ve found a place to get local milk in glass jars (i really hate plastic, but that rant will be for another post). it’s all taking a bit more THINKING, which can hurt but doesn’t always. i’m not saying, not at all saying, that everyone can afford organic of FM if they choose to. no way. but our money does go somewhere, and sometimes—sometimes— we don’t notice it going to books or jewelry or movies or eating out, and we can choose to redirect it. or not. this just happens to be the road i’m on lately and i’m finding it really awesome.

    i’m growing potatoes! though not in a bag which is much more intriguing than the ground. i haven’t got a lot of sunlight despite my honey climbing our tree wielding a saw and nearly falling out of it and having to be rescued by a neighbor because i wasn’t home (i love that man), and have very little mental energy available (again a choice) to look into pest control, so i do lose brand new bursting upward seedlings to bugs. well, they have to eat too. we’re growing tomatoes and strawberries, cultivated and wild, some herbs (i found parsley in my yard! when did i plant that?), peppers, and blueberries. we planted a bunch of seeds that are starting to peek their heads out: pumpkin, carrots, snow peas, bush beans. none of this will actually FEED us for any length of time, more for grazing and showing the kids how powerful it is to help something grow, but i do have my self-sufficient farming fantasies that involve beehives and sheep… blogs like this don’t help… unschooling, farming, crafting, sheep, bees, veggies, milk goats, chickens… /longing sigh.

    and kai, i can’t quite imagine being called shark-bait or BMW… i can imagine that would do a number on a girl’s head! i think it can be a long journey, often is, to understand the balance of wanting to have a certain kind of body because everyone says it’s good and appreciating how you already are which is actually good and right. i’m still working on that pretty much daily, but i didn’t want my post to go there and get derailed. thanks for saying it all though.

    you all must know some dirty people. how did the chat go there so fast?! LOL

    saya, am i a grub or a worm? hmm?

  5. May 27, 2010 5:45 am

    oh man that’s a long reply… i think i failed. but i didn’t type out passages from the book!! at least there’s that.

    • Kaimalino permalink
      May 27, 2010 2:44 pm

      My mom always says,”You can spend time or money. Choose which one you’ll spend and be OK with it.” So true when it comes to cutting the food budget. . . all I do is feed my children, especially when I am making the effort to cook and feed them well.
      Do you have the cook book “Whole Foods for the Whole Family”? It has a big veggie section and few pricy ingredients suggested; it’s one of my favorites, right up there with Moosewood.
      Orlando Bloom! I noticed “him” too, Saya. Maryam, it’s totally OK if you don’t know Twilight because you’re not really missing anytyhing there, but Orlando Bloom! Only the only attractive skinny white boy in Hollywood! *swoon* (Yep, still in eighth grade. Sorry.) He definitely has a Farmers’ Market look–his doubles frequent my city’s FM, too.

      • May 27, 2010 5:50 pm

        which guy? be more specific! ah, now i have to google orlando bloom. see i picture queen elizabeth the first with a big accordian-ruffled collar. i have no idea why that’s the image that always comes up with orlando bloom. i mean, wasn’t that a book about a time traveling character who changed genders? my friend had to read it for highschool while i was in my few homeschooling years. it’s possible it got mixed up in my brain.

        eating spicy curry hothothot.

        okay, that line from you mother is *awesome* and i’m going to tattoo it to the back of my hand. i keep thinking about it and thinking more… it’s so true and so important–to make a choice and be okay with it. i’m choosing to homeschool and work, which means less money, which means more time for growing up as a family, but at the same time, less premade food which means more cooking which also means more healthy eating.

        i also forgot to say that family home night is such a beautiful concept. i’m wondering how to incorporate that into our lives. we’re together alllllll the time, and we talk about God and prophets and sing spiritual songs, but to have a moment each week where there’s the intention to do it together, where we look forward to it. i think that’s really valuable.

        thanks for the food for thought. oh, and i’ll check out that cookbook. we have gluten allergies, so cookbooks usually fall short, but there are some easy substitutions at times like gluten-free flour.

      • May 27, 2010 5:55 pm

        ahahahahahahaha! orlando bloom is not a trans-gender character, did you know? he’s from lord of the rings! yeah, you knew that. when i looked him up i immediately thought “oh, he’s the kid from Flight of the Navigator” which is an awesome movie–but he’s not either. oh well. back to my bubble.

  6. May 29, 2010 1:12 am

    and the winner IS!!!!!

    wait, nobody guessed…

    it’s lucy maude montgomery, author of the blue castle, pat of silver bush, the emily books, and oh that other one… anne of green gables. she’s AWESOME. (see i can use caps when i want to.)

    here’s the link with a great quote from her about writing.

    • Kaimalino permalink
      May 29, 2010 3:32 pm

      Well, that was my hunch, based on your clue (which I agree was a gieaway) but I wan’t nervy enough to say so. I didn’t know Anne’s looks were based on a Gibson Girl until I Googled around looking for a LM Montgomery photo. . . did you?

  7. May 29, 2010 11:20 pm

    well, i never said i was subtle.

    what’s a gibson girl??

    • May 29, 2010 11:21 pm

      googled it.

      anne’s looks were based on a gibson girl? that’s… wierd. i don’t really get the connection. maybe i didn’t read enough about it…

      • May 30, 2010 9:56 pm

        What’s a Gibson girl?

        I guessed it was LMM after the clue! But only because I knew it couldn’t be Anne because Anne was fictional.

        Let it not be said that I can’t think on my feet.

  8. Kaimalino permalink
    May 30, 2010 1:36 am

    Here’s the link, and there’s another link in this brief article to a picture of Evelyn Somebody, the original Gibson Girl inspiration. It’s a bit ironic just because the Anne character is always self-conscious about her looks but they are based on the looks of someone who represented the standard of beauty at the time.
    This is all no connection to the photo or riddle you posted, just a point of interest. I Googled “LM Montgomery photo” trying to confirm my hunch she was the girl in the picture, but I didn’t find the same picture and found this tidbit instead.

    • May 30, 2010 1:49 am

      right, that’s why i didn’t see the connection: because anne is so self-critical. the photo of evelyn nesbit looks so much like the character who played diane in the movies with megan follows. ironic. and ironic that anne is so self-conscious when she is modeled after this image of beauty. doesn’t she wish to have plump elbows like diane? or am i remembering wrong. it’s like beauty and self-doubt are married. (i’m sticking my tongue out at the computer right now.)

  9. fjafjan permalink
    June 8, 2010 5:49 pm

    So I could say many things about this post, but I think this poetry slam .. slam(?) (not sure how to nounify that word) says everything that needs to be said!

    • June 8, 2010 6:17 pm

      oh my oh my oh my i have chills. how awesomely amazing that was. thank you!

  10. June 8, 2010 6:12 pm

    That was pretty (dare I say) awesome…where do you find this stuff?

    Totally awesome.

    • Kaimalino permalink
      June 11, 2010 8:50 pm

      Pretty much choked up over this.

      I wish that clip came as some sort of injection I could’ve had when I was 13, like an vaccination against what was to come.
      I have my own antibodies now (having survived the actual disease of prettynecessititis) but their strength varies depending on the day.

  11. fjafjan permalink
    June 8, 2010 6:46 pm

    Glad you guys like it 🙂
    I found it on the XKCD fora, lots of (*gasp*) feminists folks over there who scour the blagotubes for this type of thing.

    • June 8, 2010 11:40 pm

      I’ve watched it a few more times. Still brilliant. (Gasp, feminists!)

  12. June 11, 2010 1:36 pm

    what a dirty word, saya! i had someone say i must not be a feminist because i’m happy to be at home raising my kids. the cluelessness is staggering.


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