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Up And Down The City Road: All Change?

May 7, 2010

For those of you who are not British, you may – or may not – be aware that we’re conducting an exercise in democracy.

I’m not a political commentator of any kind, so instead: a few days ago, I took a walk up and down Tooting Town Centre. Practically every shop window declared itself proudly partisan to one candidate or another. Well, mostly to just one candidate.

Chicken and goats are voting Labour. So are sheep. Are you?

Tooting is an ethnically-diverse area, with a sizeable South Asian and Muslim population – the ‘Muslim vote’ is a hotly-contested and politically-significant one. All the candidates in Tooting are scrambling and tripping over themselves to win it. And naked walls are HARAM, quick, cover it with a burka poster of Sadiq Khan!

Vote Labour. Also please buy a frothy dress, ‘kay?

Go on holiday! With Sadiq Khan!

Ooo beautiful women with urgent appeal! And Sadiq Khan.

Pay As You Go Low Carb Monster with Energy! And Sadiq Khan.

Underarms FREE. Don’t you want some underarms? Don’t you want some Sadiq Khan?

It wasn’t all Labour, mind. The Hindu shop went Lib Dem. It’s disturbing how this looks like a ‘wanted’ poster – don’t the convicts candidates look terribly sinister?

And in Kerala, they vote Lib Dem too. Because it’s time for change.

Ah, change, I could do with a bit of that. Then I could buy food.

And it wasn’t exactly a one-and-a-half horse race, despite what wall-coverage ratios suggests. And speaking of wall coverage, it is weird and cool that it looks like Mark Clarke (Conservative)(on his single poster in all of Tooting XD) is all over the face of that building. Isn’t that weird and cool? I think that’s weird and cool. Don’t you think that’s weird and cool?

But here, this last one. This one was just confusing. Wtfish? They…couldn’t make up their mind?

Perhaps they believe in equal opportunities? How, er, 21st century!

And now that I’ve heard my result, and all the indications suggest it will be a hung parliament, I think it’s time for bed. Because sleep is not only for the weak, but also for the sleepy. And I am sleepy. I haven’t been forming sentences correctly for the last four hours.

15 Comments leave one →
  1. May 7, 2010 3:02 am

    Fox News called the election ten minutes ago for David Cameron with a “clear majority, and Britain’s rejection of Socialism”. Gotta love the Yanks.

    • May 7, 2010 3:05 am


      Words fail me. XD

    • May 7, 2010 5:27 pm

      Hey, I totally reject (as would many Americans) that Fox News is representative of us Yanks. Fox News is for white, Christian Republicans. And white Christian Republicans are the only people who actually believe Fox News.

  2. May 7, 2010 8:48 pm

    Agreed. Fox is made fun of incessantly in the States for its motto of being “unfair” and “unbiased” because it’s actually notorious for being the most flagrantly conservative station around!

    This is quite interesting. I think that Clarke’s photo looks like he’s trying to be a model, not a politician! And how old is he?! He looks maybe 22! In the States, the conservative guys are usually old, white, and pompous-looking, so this throws me for a loop.

    And another thing – why does everyone feel the need to put their picture? What does the picture really tell you about their politics and accomplishments? Nothing really, I don’t think. That space could be better used by some actual information on their campaign. Our politicians do the same over here, and it bothers me a lot.

    • May 9, 2010 1:09 am

      I don’t know about the pictures thing. I was thinking maybe it had to do with that whole conversation we had about ‘Your Face is Haram’: faces are important. People feel like they need to see them, and they don’t trust what they can’t see. And – whether for better or worse – people make judgements according to what they ‘read’ from a person’s face.

      It’s odd, though, and I didn’t notice it until you mentioned it, that there is nothing else on Mark Clarke’s poster except his face. With Sadiq Khan it’s understandable – he was the incumbent MP and you could argue he didn’t need introduction. But who the heck is Mark Clarke?

      That last photo is even more ironic in view of your remarks:
      1 – Slick Model
      2 – Used Car Salesman?
      3 – Strange cross of CV/resume and local-area newsletter
      4 – Wanted Felons. Reward.

      • May 9, 2010 7:25 am

        I’m going for Wanted Felons. I mean – just how far is Atta Ul Haq’s shirt unbuttoned? And a gold chain? I’m thinking he’s pimping.

  3. May 8, 2010 1:13 am

    i got a laugh out of this! i guess because you’re funny and i’m totally not political, basically because it would probably make my head explode since i get a tad passionate about stuff. i just vote and go home. the thought of taking note of people’s posters in windows and blogging about it would push me over the edge. i’m glad you can joke about it! i just don’t want to know which of my neighbors voted for bush or mccain and when i see [edited to read: certain kinds of] bumper stickers on vehicles i want to ram them at stoplights. i just… can’t… deal. but it’s not my fault! i’m a readhead. and a hippy.

  4. May 8, 2010 1:19 am

    and therefore i avoid bumper stickers because you have to sit at lights and stare at the rear-end of whoever’s in front of you and it would be just my luck to get seriously negative vibes from a conservative school-loving gender-role-believing children-should-be-seen-and-not-heard type who didn’t like my sticker-style. when obama stickers appeared on my previous car, thanks to a pro-active friend giving them to my sticker loving 5 year old, i was uncomfortable. it’s like wearing your heart on your sleeve… except it’s obama’s face… am i still typing?

  5. May 9, 2010 12:56 am

    Maryam, have I told you how much you crack me up?

    I can sit here for half an hour chuckling madly over your comments. They are that good.

    May you always be this awesome and more, ameen. Do you want some underarms free?

    PS – Oh, the US, we don’t take their news seriously here! Their TV shows, maybe, some people do – but news? Nevah!

    On a different note, all news is biased: the trick is to find enough different biases to make a coherent synthesis – which may or may not be representative. So really: nobody knows anything about anything anywhere. Yay!

    • Kaimalino permalink
      May 10, 2010 12:59 am

      “All news is biased”: agreed! But it’s something honorable journalists struggle with constantly. I was never so complimented as I was the day after my story about a very controversial school board decision ran in the paper. I had two angry voice mails waiting for me at work. . . each claiming I was blatantly biased for the opposing side. Wow, I thought–I must have been truly fair! I’ve managed to tick off everyone equally! Let’s go to lunch! 🙂
      And Maryam, my husband and I have a strict No Bumper Stickers policy for exactly your reasons. . . . We were approached last year by a campaign manager who wanted to put a sign in our yard, knowing the candidate was business-friends with my hubby. We said no, because the opposition’s daughter was our favorite baby-sitter. We’re like the opposite of the shop that features everyone’s signs–we post nothing and smile wanly at the rabid conservatism around us.

  6. May 11, 2010 7:27 pm

    Lol that was too much Saya…totally made my day, and I never realized till i arrived here how biased Fox news are:/doesnt anybody take the news seriously anymore —Man thats just sad!

    • May 11, 2010 11:52 pm

      It’s precisely because people take it seriously that it’s something to be careful about!

      • May 12, 2010 2:48 pm

        Lol that was jokes Saya where do you find this stuff…the ones that stood out for me was criminals get M&S vouchers when released on bail , brussels politicians want us to stop drinking British ale…And wait for it lol…Muslim women hiding stolen goods in their veils…What a joke the lot of it!

        Btw how come your in tooting? are you on a visit to the U.K.

      • May 12, 2010 10:22 pm

        I have an underground intelligence system called FACEBOOK XD

        Why’m I in the UK? I live here! I don’t remember if I said anything to give the idea that I didn’t…did I?

  7. May 18, 2010 11:20 pm

    Lol i dunno, i think i saw a post from Maryam that you said something about DC or VA lol…or maybe i just thought i saw it hehe:)Viva London!!!

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