Up And Down The City Road: All Change?
For those of you who are not British, you may – or may not – be aware that we’re conducting an exercise in democracy.
I’m not a political commentator of any kind, so instead: a few days ago, I took a walk up and down Tooting Town Centre. Practically every shop window declared itself proudly partisan to one candidate or another. Well, mostly to just one candidate.
Chicken and goats are voting Labour. So are sheep. Are you?
Tooting is an ethnically-diverse area, with a sizeable South Asian and Muslim population – the ‘Muslim vote’ is a hotly-contested and politically-significant one. All the candidates in Tooting are scrambling and tripping over themselves to win it. And naked walls are HARAM, quick, cover it with a burka poster of Sadiq Khan!
Vote Labour. Also please buy a frothy dress, ‘kay?
Go on holiday! With Sadiq Khan!
Ooo beautiful women with urgent appeal! And Sadiq Khan.
Pay As You Go Low Carb Monster with Energy! And Sadiq Khan.
Underarms FREE. Don’t you want some underarms? Don’t you want some Sadiq Khan?
It wasn’t all Labour, mind. The Hindu shop went Lib Dem. It’s disturbing how this looks like a ‘wanted’ poster – don’t the convicts candidates look terribly sinister?
And in Kerala, they vote Lib Dem too. Because it’s time for change.
Ah, change, I could do with a bit of that. Then I could buy food.
And it wasn’t exactly a one-and-a-half horse race, despite what wall-coverage ratios suggests. And speaking of wall coverage, it is weird and cool that it looks like Mark Clarke (Conservative)(on his single poster in all of Tooting XD) is all over the face of that building. Isn’t that weird and cool? I think that’s weird and cool. Don’t you think that’s weird and cool?
But here, this last one. This one was just confusing. Wtfish? They…couldn’t make up their mind?
Perhaps they believe in equal opportunities? How, er, 21st century!
And now that I’ve heard my result, and all the indications suggest it will be a hung parliament, I think it’s time for bed. Because sleep is not only for the weak, but also for the sleepy. And I am sleepy. I haven’t been forming sentences correctly for the last four hours.