Skinny Jeans Are Hip: A Rant
– The following content is definitely NTBTS –
Of all the stupid fashion trends, one of stupidest must be skinny jeans. Seriously. Not only do you have to endure the fact that a person in skinny jeans might as well have spray-painted them on for all the decency or cover it offers, but also you have to endure the sight of BADLY MISSHAPEN LEGS.
It’s haram enough to have to see shapely-legged people wearing them, but why – why! – WHY must we also be subjected to the blinding sight of REALLY-SO-WEIRD-THEY-FREAK-ME-OUT legs?*
Fashion should be SOMETHING YOU LOOK AND FEEL GOOD IN. And, rather obviously, people look and feel good in DIFFERENT THINGS. And people who do not look or feel good in skinny jeans should feel free not to wear them.
BUT OH GOSH, do you know what is WORSE than skinny jeans (is this even possible??)?
JEGGINGS should be OUTLAWED, along with the rest of the leggings-family, hotpants (which should really be called not-pants), denim-over-tights**, belts wider than your head, and torturing small animals. There’s a reason leggings went out of fashion, like, 15 years ago, everyone!
Yes, I am entirely and deliberately ignoring the fact that I wore leggings all Winter – not only because I was always wearing a jilly over them, but also because I was wearing them underneath another pair of trousers. The only person EVER to have seen me in leggings is ME.
As for 15 years ago – my mother is a smart woman. She never dressed us in anything as questionable as zebra-striped leggings (even if I did have the world’s wildest fringe, combined with a convertible-hijab***)(so I looked fairly dubious anyway – entirely my own fault). I have a year 6 class picture of one of the girls in just such a pair, and she howled and cringed when I showed her it a few years ago. We agreed it was a Good Thing that leggings had gone so decidedly OUT.
If there must be a justification for wearing these atrocious excuses for clothing, then at least let it be that you feel you look good in it – not something as senseless and mindless as ‘it’s fashionable’ or ANY REFERENCE WHATSOEVER to the sad fact that other people are wearing it. You are not other people. You are you. Wear what you’re happy with and suits you and respects other people’s sensibilities.
TOTAL NEWSFLASH! ONG I JUST SAW SOMEONE WHO COULD NOT BE DESCRIBED AS SKINNY WEARING FLESH-COLOURED LEGGINGS ONG I MAY NEVER RECOVER IT WAS MONSTROUS AND FRIGHTENING 😄
* For the record, I am not a fan of (trying to wear) churidar, either, but they have the very slightest saving grace, due to their insane length, of somewhat obscuring possible misshapenness with how they ruche around the calves, and also generally coming with a kameez that covers a person’s bum – so you won’t see all that rolling flesh. And some lucky people can actually look good in churidar that are properly ruched.
** Don’t wear trashy denim cutoffs over holey tights, people. Firstly, you look like you’re homeless and have no clothes; secondly, you PAY PEOPLE – who sit in their glass offices LAUGHING AT YOU (less fabric, but more money) – to look like TRAMPS. You are PAYING for CLOTHES TO LOOK WORN. People used to pay for NEW clothes, which MADE SENSE, but paying for clothes to look OLD – THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.
*** Convertible-hijab is like convertible car. Top goes up and down. Up and down, up and down.