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Skinny Jeans Are Hip: A Rant

April 17, 2010

– The following content is definitely NTBTS

Of all the stupid fashion trends, one of stupidest must be skinny jeans. Seriously. Not only do you have to endure the fact that a person in skinny jeans might as well have spray-painted them on for all the decency or cover it offers, but also you have to endure the sight of BADLY MISSHAPEN LEGS.

It’s haram enough to have to see shapely-legged people wearing them, but why – why! – WHY must we also be subjected to the blinding sight of REALLY-SO-WEIRD-THEY-FREAK-ME-OUT legs?*

Fashion should be SOMETHING YOU LOOK AND FEEL GOOD IN. And, rather obviously, people look and feel good in DIFFERENT THINGS. And people who do not look or feel good in skinny jeans should feel free not to wear them.

BUT OH GOSH, do you know what is WORSE than skinny jeans (is this even possible??)?

JEGGINGS.

JEGGINGS should be OUTLAWED, along with the rest of the leggings-family, hotpants (which should really be called not-pants), denim-over-tights**, belts wider than your head, and torturing small animals. There’s a reason leggings went out of fashion, like, 15 years ago, everyone!

Yes, I am entirely and deliberately ignoring the fact that I wore leggings all Winter – not only because I was always wearing a jilly over them, but also because I was wearing them underneath another pair of trousers. The only person EVER to have seen me in leggings is ME.

As for 15 years ago – my mother is a smart woman. She never dressed us in anything as questionable as zebra-striped leggings (even if I did have the world’s wildest fringe, combined with a convertible-hijab***)(so I looked fairly dubious anyway – entirely my own fault). I have a year 6 class picture of one of the girls in just such a pair, and she howled and cringed when I showed her it a few years ago. We agreed it was a Good Thing that leggings had gone so decidedly OUT.

If there must be a justification for wearing these atrocious excuses for clothing, then at least let it be that you feel you look good in it – not something as senseless and mindless as ‘it’s fashionable’ or ANY REFERENCE WHATSOEVER to the sad fact that other people are wearing it. You are not other people. You are you. Wear what you’re happy with and suits you and respects other people’s sensibilities.

TOTAL NEWSFLASH! ONG I JUST SAW SOMEONE WHO COULD NOT BE DESCRIBED AS SKINNY WEARING FLESH-COLOURED LEGGINGS ONG I MAY NEVER RECOVER IT WAS MONSTROUS AND FRIGHTENING 😄

* For the record, I am not a fan of (trying to wear) churidar, either, but they have the very slightest saving grace, due to their insane length, of somewhat obscuring possible misshapenness with how they ruche around the calves, and also generally coming with a kameez that covers a person’s bum – so you won’t see all that rolling flesh. And some lucky people can actually look good in churidar that are properly ruched.

** Don’t wear trashy denim cutoffs over holey tights, people. Firstly, you look like you’re homeless and have no clothes; secondly, you PAY PEOPLE – who sit in their glass offices LAUGHING AT YOU (less fabric, but more money) – to look like TRAMPS. You are PAYING for CLOTHES TO LOOK WORN. People used to pay for NEW clothes, which MADE SENSE, but paying for clothes to look OLD – THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

*** Convertible-hijab is like convertible car. Top goes up and down. Up and down, up and down.

The following content is definitely NTBTS.

Of all the stupid fashion trends, one of stupidest must be skinny

jeans. Seriously. Not only do you have to endure the fact that a person

in skinny jeans might as well have spray-painted them on for all the

decency or cover it offers, but also you have to endure the sight of BADLY MISSHAPEN LEGS.

It’s haram enough to have to see shapely-legged people wearing them, but why – why! – WHY must we also be subjected to the blinding sight of REALLY-SO-WEIRD-THEY-FREAK-ME-OUT legs?*

Fashion should be SOMETHING YOU LOOK AND FEEL GOOD IN. And, rather obviously, people look and feel good in DIFFERENT THINGS. And people who do not look or feel good in skinny jeans should feel free not to wear them.

BUT OH GOSH do you know what is WORSE than skinny jeans (is this even possible??)?

//JEGGINGS.// (= Jeans + Leggings)

JEGGINGS should be OUTLAWED. Along with the rest of the leggings-family, hotpants (which imo should be called NOTpants), denim-over-tights**, belts wider than your head and mugging old ladies. There’s a reason they went out of fashion, like, 15 years ago, everyone!

Yes, I am entirely and deliberately ignoring the fact that I wore leggings all Winter, not only because a) I was wearing a jilly over them, but also because b) I was wearing them //underneath another pair of trousers//. The only person EVER to have seen me in leggings is ME.

As for 15 years ago: my mother is a smart woman. She never dressed us in anything as questionable as zebra-striped leggings (even if I did have the world’s wildest fringe, combined with a convertible-hijab***)(so I looked fairly dubious anyway – entirely my own fault). I have a year 6 class picture of one of the girls in just such a pair, and she howled and cringed when I showed her it a few years ago. We agreed it was a Good Thing that leggings had gone so decidedly OUT.

If you must offer justification for wearing these atrocious excuses for

clothing, then at least let it be that you feel you look good in it – not something as senseless and mindless as ‘it’s fashionable’ or ANY

REFERENCE WHATSOEVER to the sad fact that other people are wearing it.

You are not other people. You are you. Wear what you’re happy with and

suits you and respects other people’s sensibilities.

TOTAL NEWSFLASH

ONG**** I JUST SAW SOMEONE WHO COULD NOT BE DESCRIBED AS SKINNY WEARING

FLESH-COLOURED LEGGINGS ONG I MAY NEVER RECOVER IT WAS MONSTROUS AND

FRIGHTENING HELP

* For the record, I am not a fan of (trying to wear) churidar, either,

but they have the very slightest saving grace, due to their insane

length, of somewhat obscuring possible misshapenness with how they

ruche around the calves, and also generally coming with a kameez that

covers a person’s bum. And some lucky people can look good in churidar that are properly ruched.

** Don’t wear trashy denim cutoffs over holey tights, people. Firstly,

you look like you’re homeless and have no clothes; secondly, you PAY

PEOPLE – who sit in their glass offices LAUGHING AT YOU (less fabric, more money) – to look like TRAMPS. You are PAYING for WORN CLOTHES.

People used to pay for NEW clothes, which MADE SENSE, but paying for

clothes to look OLD – THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

*** Convertible-hijab is like convertible car. Top goes up and down. Up and down, up and down.

**** ONG = Oh no, God. = ‘please no, don’t let that be for real’

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Richard permalink
    April 17, 2010 10:51 pm

    Puff ball skirts.
    Leg warmers.
    Bell bottoms.
    Flares.
    Moon boots.

    Fashion is just hideous crap that people wouldn’t put up with for extended periods of time. Getting angry with it is just silly pointless fun though.

  2. kaimalino permalink
    April 17, 2010 11:16 pm

    Agreed! The only excuse for leggings is you’re running a long distance in crisp weather and are trying to avoid chafing! (And even then, you should seriously consider the treadmill for dignity’s sake.)

  3. April 18, 2010 12:32 am

    Oh good, a rant, my favorite! Personally, I do not think there is anything more disturbing than teenage boys in skinny jeans, and my younger sister informs me that these guys are called “emos.” Which is, forever, stuck in my head as emus. Oh look, there goes an emu! Har har! No seriously, there is nothing good about pants that are too tight, be they leggings, jeggings (shudder), or skinny jeans. They are really unhealthy to wear, too. Ahem. I shall go no further in my condemnation of tight pants lest I get myself in trouble.

  4. April 18, 2010 2:47 am

    AMEEN. I am NOT a fan of skinny jeans…I don’t think they’re all that attractive (and what is with this skinny-jeans-are-semiformal crap?), and I can’t wear them. (Besides not being skinny, thanks to cerebral palsy, I have calves like tree trunks. I can’t even wear zippy boots. This is part of why I don’t even bother to try with churidar…just give me regular salwar, thanks.)

    Actually, spring and summer make me exhausted with fashion in general. I’m already tired of seeing dresses that are actually band-aids that are supposed to look cute and girls walking around in literally nothing but a bikini. And wearing spike heels to class? Just makes you look dumb.

  5. April 18, 2010 4:55 pm

    Richard: Even when it’s not hideous, it really irritates me: it’s that whole hive-mind thing about it. People don’t wear it because they LIKE it, they’re wearing it because everyone else is.

    Also: puffball skirts, is THAT what they’re called? I HATE them. They look like someone who didn’t know how to sew got lost inside and went wild with a threaded needle and are – to this day – still trapped there.

    Kai, as Salem (Sabrina’s cat) says: ‘the humiliation is only eclipsed by the chafing!’ Salem was a wise, wise cat.

    TheSimplePoppy: the emus totally make me think of this at 2:29!

    Wasn’t there some research about how tight trousers affect women’s fertility? And high heels. Somewhere. Will have to consult Sheikh Google.

    Noor: 😄 Yesterday: out came the sun! Out came the people! Off came their clothes!

    Cancer, people. Keeping your skin covered in the sun is actually better at a) keeping you cool, and b) avoiding skin cancer. I say this as someone who lived in desert heat for two summers, and spent several more in the tropics.

  6. Fjafjan permalink
    April 19, 2010 2:15 am

    Actually people,if you spend a lot of time indoors, and live in northern Europe, covering your skin is not ideal. You want that vitamin D when you can get it! The risk of catching skin cancer are very low, the risks of dying from depression due to Vitamin D deficiency, especially in the winter, are fairly high. (and it sucks to be depressed even if you don’t die). It is very nice to have a balcony so I get get topless and get sun in november when it’s like 5-10 degrees out, when the sun is shining straight on it can still get hot enough to not feel uncomfortable. It’s tres nice.
    And leggings are REALLY good, be you male or female, when it gets properly cold (pants won’t cut it), and are also really nifty to use when exercising, as proper pants get in the way and create a lot of friction, tights+shorts is at least as warm, I’d say warmer, and just as comfy and allows for greater mobility/flexibility.

    • April 19, 2010 10:54 am

      I bought leggings for working out, I ended up wearing them as thermals. And they are really comfortable. Thus, you can see I am not disagreeing about that 😄 If people wear them for mobility and flexibility, that’s great, sounds like a good reason. When people are wearing them simply because other people are, without reference to whether they themselves personally like it or not, then there’s something wrong.

      Northern Europe/skin covering: the whole question of vitamin D-deficiency is completely different, and it’s quite possible to get enough even if you only expose your face and hands: I think I remember that something like 20 minutes a day is sufficient. Nor is it true that if you live in northern Europe ‘covering your skin is not ideal’ – there’s a lot of research out there, and you must have access to databases. Go read about it.

      I’m also completely dubious about more people ‘dying of depression’ than people dying of cancer. That smells very much like fish. Also, a person won’t ‘catch’ cancer (cancer germs, airborne disease!), nor is depression a cause of death. Suicide due to depression, perhaps, depression itself…no. Don’t make stuff up if you don’t know what you’re talking about!

      In fact, this whole premise completely ignores everything that has been said before, on too many levels for me to even bother with correcting it. I wish, Fjaf, you’d pay attention to the subject at hand before flying in with random ‘facts’ that you make up as you go along, and a sham of reasoning which is really one of the many species of sophistry. I’m all for open discussions, but I really have to draw the line at shamming it, and arguing for argument’s sake, on completely incidental and irrelevant points, with someone who, when all is said and done, genuinely does not entertain the possibility that he might not always be right. The start and end of your argument is ‘I am right, and if you don’t agree with me, well then, you are wrong’.

      Just on one head, since you are forcing me to be abandon jestful generalising, sigh: in some cases, the problem doesn’t lie in whether or not people cover their skin, but in that they seem to have no sense of moderation (nor do they use sunscreen). Every summer, I watch hordes of people looking first like boiled lobsters, and then like crispy roasts. And year after year, this goes on – this is how skin cancer can begin. The death rate from skin cancer is comparatively low, but UV-exposure related illness is preventable and so shouldn’t reach a stage where, by carelessness, not only do they bring distress to themselves and their families, but also the expense is laid on the NHS.

      On SAD: we are not talking about catching the sun in the winter. We’re talking about summer. And you can’t ‘store’ whatever rays you catch in the summer for the winter, so that’s a moot point. Although, as we’ve established, a lot of your premises are moot to begin with.

      Anyway, you may or may not notice that I’ve come back and edited this comment. But I did. 😛

  7. Fjafjan permalink
    April 19, 2010 2:29 am

    If leggings are what they seem to be from my quick googling. I guess the golden leggings are not as understandable.

  8. Chuuurls permalink
    April 19, 2010 2:39 am

    *grumbles with unhappiness*

    *owns and often wears most of these items*

    *strokes the variously hideous printed clothing items to reassure them that they are beautiful*

    • April 19, 2010 10:11 am

      Chuuuuurls, you happen to be one of the few people in the universe who genuinely looks good in these items. Also, you are the last person I would think of as a slave to What’s Currently Hot According to Everyone Else But Me.

      I admit, I thought of you when I wrote it (totally on the fly), but figured it had disclaimed enough with the Not To Be Taken Seriously tag 😄 I love you and I love your clothes. And your little dog, too.

      (Sorry, couldn’t resist. >>)

      • Chuuurls permalink
        April 22, 2010 2:31 pm

        Stormy appreciates your compliments. Making a garbage bag dress IRL so I can take pictures of it and make a Fauxsion post.

        (of course I am not le insulted, it was funny. ps can I try churidar if I come over)

    • April 22, 2010 11:29 pm

      We’ll find you some churidar, since I don’t own any – the Brit version of thrift stores might even have them, and that would be, like, awesome squared 😄

      Can’t wait to see that dress 😄 😄

  9. April 19, 2010 12:45 pm

    Nice Read

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