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They’re Dropping Like Flies

April 7, 2010

It’s not even Summer, but marriage fever’s set in. And following closely behind is that even worse WEDDING fever.

A stalwart friend spent the last three-odd days shopping for wedding clothes with a prospective-bride-friend, even though she HATES shopping AND men. Another got engaged to fanfares and diamond sunbursts and affection and a ton of presents. A dear neighbour was thrilled to tell us – and we were thrilled to hear it – that her lovely daughter was soon to be engaged. Even an old school-friend, who is – gasp – NEITHER Asian NOR Muslim but in fact probably IRISH, is making for the aisle/altar/beach for purposes of matrimony. And the list goes on.

It’s like when there isn’t rain for a long long time, and then there is a big ol’ storm, and the baked-dry earth can’t absorb it all so there are floods. Wait, I am totally not sure how that analogy might or might not work, but what I mean is for a long time, people are forced to sit around on their jacks doing absolutely peanuts (other than meeting dodgy guy after dodgy guy sometimes in completely dodgy circumstances), and the next thing you know, they’ve met The One, and then NEXT thing you know, EVERYONE is getting hitched except YOU. And also your two – or maybe three – reject-friends*. So each of you take solace in the fact that the other is still single and not at risk of falling to this dangerous fever.**

Of course, some sage and disapproving people reading this are shaking their heads, sighing, and thinking, ‘if you’re going to be so fussy…’

But the truth is, we are possibly the least fussy of the gang, but different things are important to us, and different things are uncompromisable. I’ve known people to get as specific as the exact height and eye colour (6’2″, green eyes)(Asians have a thing about green eyes XD), and – amazingly – they get EXACTLY WHAT THEY ASK FOR.

That is the real miracle, don’t you think?

And so, the hounded singletons are left fighting on the defensive, because if EVEN THE MAD-PICKY ones found a man, WHY CAN’T WE? We must be EVEN FUSSIER with our over-educated preferences!

Our ‘over-educated preferences’, though, are quite simple: we don’t mention looks (or money or gold or jewels). We want them to be practising and committed to Islam, and also to be reasonably intelligent and interesting and not numpties. What exactly are we meant to compromise here? It’s like the shortest hubby shopping list EVER.

So the question remains: they’re dropping like flies – why aren’t we?


* It must be noted that they do the rejecting, for the reasons that the guys are just DODGY.

** Despite all attempts to contract it.

30 Comments leave one →
  1. Richard permalink
    April 7, 2010 2:08 pm

    Because, as the old adage goes, common sense ain’t that common.

    • April 7, 2010 11:54 pm

      I’ve been calling it ‘uncommon sense’ for a while now XD

      You know the jargonese for that is ‘implicit knowledge’? It cracked me up for two whole lectures in my first postgrad year when it suddenly twigged that this ‘implicit knowledge’ was really a sophist’s way of saying ‘common sense’ XD

  2. kaimalino permalink
    April 7, 2010 2:33 pm

    “Numpties” consists of such a vast demographic, sadly. Still can’t believe how lucky I got.

    • April 7, 2010 11:55 pm

      That is totally the subject of my next post. Kind of. You will have to wait and see! Although some people have heard my Four States Model before.

      I still find it hilarious and tragic every time, though!

  3. April 7, 2010 5:44 pm

    there are a lot of really good guys with kind hearts and strong faith who are wishing for someone to settle down with just like single women are hoping and looking, too.

    numpties is the best word EVER.

  4. April 7, 2010 6:10 pm

    hope i don’t sound scoldy like you’re dissing all men because i know you’re not. i meant there’s someone for nearly everyone, but that sounds sappy. and i meant don’t give up, but that sounds preachy. blah. typing is useless.

    • April 7, 2010 6:12 pm

      me again! i ALSO meant (because i am my own translator see?) move to Philly because i know a bunch of sweethearts that want to get hitched.

      • April 8, 2010 12:01 am

        I wasn’t feeling scolded at all!

        Tell them to move to London!

        Computers are useless. This is why I resorted to Royal Mail today and Jasmyn is on her way! With STARS.

        Only a handful of people realise what exactly that means. Soon you will be one of them!

      • April 8, 2010 12:24 am

        Er PS – it is just possible I was dissing men a TINY bit.

        Okay, I wasn’t…but I WISH I was. It’s so much easier being an indiscriminate misandrist than understanding that numptyism is universal and not gender-limited and only afflicts SOME men (and also a great many women)…but it gets tiring being so circumspect. One likes a bit of wild generalising now and then. It gets the adrenaline going.


  5. April 8, 2010 12:51 am

    i like you so much. really. truly. so much. it is unfortunate that i am not a single man willing to move to london. except that i’m likely not a strict enough muslim for you. i’m more of the sassy muslim variety. also called sufi. ah well, i’ll keep my gender and life here after all. you’d only break my heart.


    • April 8, 2010 10:54 pm

      What! Are you saying I am not sassy?!?!

      Sigh, you’re probably right. I’m sickeningly polite sometimes, and too SOCIALLY ANXIOUS to sass (as per ‘the teacher said, you’re SASSY’)

      Wait, so does this mean a ‘strict Muslim’ can’t be sassy? And by sassy do we mean spirited, or rude? And by ‘strict’ do we mean dogmatic, or like just…I don’t know, a ‘burka’-wielding trrrrst? 😀 Semantics, semantics. I must know before I either agree or disagree!

      Yes, I’m a cold, cold heartbreaker! I break hearts with HAMMERS. I wouldn’t marry you ANYWAYYYYYYY!!!!*

      Ah, footnotes. I’d marry THEM.

      * But please let me know if you change your mind about that because I obviously SECRETLY DO WANT TO

  6. April 8, 2010 12:52 am

    hey, where’d his face go? LOL
    i think you should now do this to all your photos on this blog. tea cozies, smilies, maybe a turkey’s head one of these times?

    • April 8, 2010 11:26 pm

      My sister pointed out to me that it was unethical to put a poor unsuspecting chap’s face on the internet, and I realised she was right. So he got a MAKEOVER and now his face looks more like mine!

  7. April 8, 2010 3:29 am

    gah. i have never wished i had equipment before, but sometimes i find myself wishing i was a man just so i could move to london and marry you, although like maryam i suspect i am too much of a sassy muslim to quite qualify. also there is the whole not being a man and already being practically engaged thing.

    but yes, the marriage train seems to be taking off without us. i’m even starting to get marriage-envy. sigh.

    • April 8, 2010 11:28 pm

      Again this sass! I have sass! I CAN PROVE IT!

      I challenge you to a SASS-DUEL! Weapon of choice being SASS!

  8. April 8, 2010 6:57 am

    lol. I love your picture with that man and the wedding outfit. Where did you get it?
    I could see myself everywhere in this blog – esp as one of your single friends. But don’t forget the plan B: Fostering children and us moving in together and you will home school the children (do cats come in the picture?)

    • April 8, 2010 11:46 pm

      It’s from our trip to B’desh last year!

      Hahahaha, I mention no names so if you see yourself it is the GUILTY CONSCIENCE speaking.

      As for cats – if they belong to/claim as their owners (XD) other people, I can deal with it. Also, cats are much smarter than we are, so we could be disadvantaged by their presence? Not to mention that it might turn out to be a JINN…that would be freaky. XD

  9. April 9, 2010 1:09 am

    isn’t it said that Muhammad (pbuh) liked/loved/appreciated/had cats or something? cuz medina and mecca were overrun with felines when i was there (21 years ago!). therefore, you can have cats. they’re NOT smarter, they’re just cockier. and yaaaa homeschool!

    about the sass… the sass i’m talking about has to do with bending/breaking/reworking the generally understood rules. you my dear can sass everyone you come across, but i’m guessing you respect the word a little more than some of us. and by the word, since i’m still sick and think i don’t make sense and shouldn’t really be posting stuff until i’m back with my brain, i mean muslim law. i’m sure you’re sassy. actually, i KNOW you are because everything you write has the spark and spice of sass in it! i was only referring to sassiness in doctrine. i bow to your sass and beg forgiveness for the lack of diplomacy in my throwing around the “sassy muslim” phrase. and furthermore! sufis are not all sassy, far far faaaaar from it. i was clearly… just… not using the right words.

    • April 9, 2010 1:23 am

      I know a few Sufis quite well, atcherly! And I think there’s too much division over the Sufi/Salafi thing. This kind of politics does my head in, though, so let’s not go there.

      As for the thought that I’m a rigid rule-follower…I can’t think of a way to explain what I’m thinking XD

      I think Islam is a lot more vast than people imagine, as evidenced by EVERYTHING – Qur’an, hadith, everything. But I also think there has to be an amount of perspective: Islam is not limited by or restricted to our interpretations and definitions, and it is not our place to think we have the mastery of that. Ultimately, it’s about subservience to the greatest force – the creating force – whom we know as Allah. Submitting to that requires immense humility, and part of that is recognising the limits of our intelligence, and giving up what might be a personal preference for something that is prescribed. That is the challenge of faith.

      The challenge of humanity is finding equilibrium, and equlibrium can never be achieved by adding only on one side of the scale: both the inner and outer dimensions have their place, and over-emphasising one may come at the expense of another. So, for instance, to have a pure heart is important – but so is it important to pray, to go through the motions of praying. The action isn’t complete without the heart, and the heart cannot be complete without the action. They both have an equal and essential part, and either one of them out of balance can lead to an overall imbalance.

      Agh I feel like I’ve preached XD I’m not trying to preach, only to explain the not-entirely-translatable things in my mind. Anyway, I call this Organic Islam – Islam how it’s meant to be. I think.

      And Allah knows best.

      • April 9, 2010 1:45 am

        i want to respond to this, but i’m going to wait because i know i’m just going to trip over my fingers since i can’t think straight… but i really like how you describe organic islam. that makes me feel so good 🙂

      • April 9, 2010 5:52 am

        not preachy or made of bleh at all. rather quite wise and illuminating 🙂

    • April 9, 2010 1:36 am

      Glah I just re-read that ^ and it is like…made of bleh.

      Anyway, so it is like, spirit of the law vs. the letter, right? Islamically, and as a Muslim, BOTH spirit AND letter are important. You can’t neglect one for the sake of the other, but instead you arrive at something that comes from the interaction of letter and spirit, and is more flexible than most people imagine. Islam is meant to be for all of humanity, so we have to realise that Allah knows us better than we know ourselves: the whole of humanity can – and must – be able to place itself somewhere on that spectrum. We also have to recognise that people are different, and so they will find themselves on different parts of it. And so, there are as many ways of living Islam as there are people, and every individual’s path is unique to them. What lies with them is the responsibility to do right and good, and so also, the responsibility to discover just how.

  10. April 9, 2010 1:10 am

    omg, what is this about cats being jinns? is this hadith or like, from twilight?

    (rofl i can’t believe i just had to ask that question!)

    • April 9, 2010 1:25 am

      hahahahahaha XD

      I assure you it’s nothing to do with Twilight! Oh, hm, you know the general jinn-lore that they can take the form of animals? So they might be CATS. Maybe black cats. I don’t know.

      Anyway, it is common knowledge that I am soooo not an animal person. Apart from cats, I can live with cats.

      Egypt is full of cats, too! They used to worship them, you know. Haram!

      • April 9, 2010 1:47 am

        are you a bug person? ’cause they make great pets. who knew?

        my kids did.

  11. April 9, 2010 1:49 am

    Am I a bugs person?

    Absolutely not.

    I’m sorry.

    I’m a city-dweller, and my genetic Bengaliness just can’t overcome my urban environment. I really wish I could deal with bugs, but I really really can’t XD

  12. April 12, 2010 3:04 pm

    I can’t deal with cockroaches…. In Egypt, I turned from cool, collected person to complete psychotic on even a mere glimpse of black feelers on a brown bug… my flatmate can update you on the details: I refuse to come out of my room when she called for help when there was a cockroach in the bathroom.
    My genetic roots can’t overcome my urban-ness either. I don’t think I can go camping or a hikes.

    BTW, I love the picture of the assistant. Do shop assistants in Bangladesh really dress up like that 🙂
    Lovely dress.

    • April 12, 2010 3:19 pm

      I used to be a bug-child, I think: I remember playing with woodlice and their friends on my scabby little knees in our garden. It was DESPITE my bug-loving brother that I became cripplingly socialised. I have, at various times, tried to talk myself out of it, but it’s not a cognitive reaction. CBT pls XD

      That said, I can deal with them enough to put a glass on top, a paper underneath, and carry them off to freedom.

      Assistants who dress up: I don’t know if all of them do, but this one did! He sounded like a very fun chap by all accounts. I wish I had been there! Also, the fabric + making = around £300. Good?


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