REASONS FOR DISLIKING EDWARD CULLEN: A list in progress
2. Being too cool for school. Not just in school, either.
3. Controlling little nut. Girl can make up her own mind about stuff, KTHX.
4. Still not forgiven him for wimping out and running away to Brazil in search of ‘distractions’ in New Moon (which was generally awful, bar exactly one paragraph) in order ‘to save’ Bella. Cf: point 3.
5. Attempting to control Jacob visitations, throughout, on the basis of ‘danger’. For someone with two medical degrees, there is NO excuse for the lack of logic and objective reasoning required for this kind of behaviour.
6. Being hung up over something all the time.
7. Always knowing best. God forbid that someone else might have a brighter idea.
8. ‘It will be as if I never existed’. What are you on, Cullen? Cf: point 5, clause 2.
9. Being cold. As in, physically, to the touch. What on Earth is attractive or seductive about this??
… Fine fine, I know he can’t help this part, but even so. However many times you try and force it onto us, Meyer, COLD SKIN LOSES SEXY POINTS. Defy the principles of physiology, will you?! He’s a sparkling vampire, he doesn’t know any better, but what’s your excuse?
10. A measure of masculinity please, sir. If you need tips, arrange a meeting with Mr Rochester. Don’t spend too long in his company, though, we don’t want you swinging in the other direction.
11. Generally considering his own passions and impulses to be greater than Bella’s, through sheer fact of being a vampire and thus somehow capable of feeling things more intensely. Refer to the concept of ratios. Presumptuous man.
12. Being 17. Couldn’t you have contracted Spanish influenza at a more mature age? Might have taken you more seriously then.
13. Having to hear about you for months on end when a bunch of younger friends became aware of your existence via several hundred pages at a time. If it hadn’t been for the fact that they are such very close friends… >_>
14. There is nothing huggable about being as hard as a statue. Cf: point 9.
Having said all this, there’s much to be said for a man who is in possession of such a sense of loyalty. And morals. And he has a good little heart.
NB: Levantine thinks the entire series is terribly written, from a literary point of view, and reads like a neurotic teenage daydream, from a human point of view. I suppose it gets (rather grudging) points for one thing, though: it’s honest. (Whether or not THIS is a good thing, however, given the eventual result, is another matter entirely.)