A Few Minutes With Sabrina

Two years ago today, this blog kicked off, hopeful and ambitious, as a project between people who would become good friends, coming together with all our differences to make space for each other at the table of Life. Although we didn’t mean to get tangled in over-long sentences and pretentious metaphors, it did occasionally happen (my fault, I’m afraid), and for that I apologise to the internet at large. A great deal has happened over the past year for all of us, and just as things reached the apex of Big, a lovely surprise fell into my lap, in the form of an interview with Sabrina from Slice of Lemon.

Slice of Lemon is written by Sabrina Enayatulla, whose name, like mine, does not end with an ‘h’ even though you want it to, and will never end with an ‘h’ no matter how many times you misspell it. She’s an award-winning journalist who quit her job at The Washington Post.com to pursue her own writing, bringing us the hilarity and light-handed Life Messages that is Slice. This blog owes a debt of inspiration to Sabrina, and is fully half the reason it existed in the first place.*

She’s currently working on the manuscript of her memoirs, as well as continuing to educate and entertain the Slice-reading masses. Hop on over to Slice of Lemon to read more and die laughing.

~

An Interview with Sabrina Enayatulla

What does the Boss think of Slice of Lemon?

I don’t like to speak for other people, so I thought I’d let him answer this one!

I think SOL is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. I think it’s one of the few blogs that hits on such a wide array of topics in an entertaining but still enlightening way. I enjoy reading it at work when I’m losing my mind; reading something lighthearted and fun gets me back into my rhythm of work. I’m looking forward to seeing how it continues to evolve.

You write a series, ‘The Journey Within‘, exploring some deeply personal turning-points in your past in a moving and sometimes haunting way. Are you ever troubled by the question of how honest to be in your writing? Do you have rules, or a ‘Do Not Pass’ point as far as self-disclosure goes?

I absolutely have boundaries for myself regarding what I write, and more often than not, those boundaries are dictated by my faith. If I’m ever concerned about something I want to write, I turn to prayer first. Next, I seek advice from my husband, and finally, I talk to my Sheikh (or religion teacher) whose advice and guidance I trust wholeheartedly.

Ultimately, I know that my name will forever be attached to what I write. As a journalist, that gives me a sense of pride; as a Muslim, I feel the weight of that responsibility. I’m well aware that my words have an impact, and my only hope is that whatever I say or write will present a teaching opportunity for whoever comes across it, and the emotion and response evoked from others will present the same opportunity for me.

Because I do publish a personal blog, I think most people would be surprised to know that I’m actually a very private person. What I publish on my blog is probably less than five percent of my life (past or present), and the remaining 95 percent is private, sacred, and privileged information. Ultimately, I edit myself with a heavy hand anyway so while the Journey installments are often very raw, or my daily posts may feel very personal at times, I’m extremely fortunate to be in a place where I have full creative control over the content on my site. I once had a friend ask me, “Where do you write the stuff that’s so personal you would never tell anyone?” To which I responded, “I would never write that stuff down.”

You’ve defied every known law of physics and traveled back in time to meet 15-year-old Sabreen. BUT:
a) She can’t know you are Future Sabreen
b) You can’t tell her what happens in the future
c) You have five minutes before you are sucked back to your own time and physics goes back to normal.

How does the conversation go?

I would pull her/me aside, and say: Value honesty, justice, and compassion over all other qualities. Use those attributes to set the bar for yourself and measure everyone you bring into your life by that standard. Be incessantly kind and overwhelmingly grateful to your amazing parents. They have taught you, and will continue to teach you invaluable life lessons that will benefit you beyond measure for as long as you live. Strive to be on a life-long journey toward self improvement. Be humble, be patient, be kind and be sincere. Look at yourself with a hard, judgmental eye, but never that way at others. And finally, homework isn’t really that big of a deal. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you turn out okay – late assignments and all.

Most of the Rock Pool’s writers are incurable bibliophiles and we could probably talk about books all day. Are you a book-person? What are you reading at the moment? Do you have, like, a ‘Sabrina’s Top Five Favorite Books in the Universe’?

I don’t have a top five per se, but I do enjoy reading for pleasure (though indulging in a good book is a bit of a luxury right now because of my tight work schedule). I have a few novels on my bookshelf that I’m hoping to get around to before the end of the year, and a few books that my husband has highly recommended I read. Ask me this same question in November and we’ll see how well I managed my time!

Does blogging hold a ‘dark side’ for you?

I guess the only “dark side” is when you’re easily accessible to the public, some people feel entitled to say things that they would never say to you from not behind a computer screen; the anonymity of the Internet can be a blessing, but it can also be a hide-out for the cowardly scum of the earth. I’m extremely fortunate to have an incredible group of readers (all of whom I hope to meet someday!) but the reality is, people are people. We all have weaknesses, and some people showcase their weakness through hatemail and/or nasty comments. Occasionally, because of my international readership, my (I’ve been told) sarcastic American humor or cultural references will get lost in translation, and I’ll get an e-mail ending with someone telling me they’ll never read my site again. It never bothers me though. If my mom called me and said she didn’t like something I wrote, then that would make an impact. But if a stranger takes time out of their day to say something egregious, I can’t find space in my heart for those words to occupy. But I will say that coming across crappy people (virtually or physically) is a blessing. They’re a great reminder of who I never want to be.

How long is your Life List? Can you tell us a little more about it, like what it is, what you’ve crossed off so far, what you want to cross off the most, which one you think will be the hardest to do, and so on?

Right now, my Life List has about 380 items on it, and the list continues to evolve. I started this list in high school as a way for me to organize and visualize my goals; writing them down made me feel a sense of accountability toward myself. After I got married, my list was a way for me to share my vision for my future with my husband. I’m happy when I cross anything off my Life List, but if I had to pick something I’d like to cross off next, it might have something to do with conquering a fear, or traveling somewhere. I’m not sure which of my items will be the hardest to tackle because each item poses its own challenge, which is how it got on the list to begin with!

You and Oprah: what’s the deal? Why she so cool? (I have to admit right off that I know very little about her, I somehow missed that growing up.)

I’ve always respected Oprah Winfrey as one of the female pioneers in the world of journalism. I don’t always agree with her topics or her point of view, but I look at her as someone who’s hardworking, generous and ambitious – all of which are qualities I admire. She paved the way for women of color in this field, and as a journalist, a minority, and a woman, I appreciate her for that.

Your high school has invited you back to give a talk to the senior class, with the condition that you ‘be profound’. What are you going to say to them?

My talk would probably be centered around one main point: the social responsibility that each of us has toward each other, our communities, and our planet. This is an all-encompassing topic, which would allow me to cover everything from bullying, to teenage love, to going green, to showing gratitude. I hope I have ample time to prepare!

On your About page, you talk about your love of travel, and we had SO much fun reading about your cross-country trip with The Boss. Where would you most like to go next and/or where could you see yourself settling down permanently (if at all)?

That trip was so much fun, I’ve been telling everyone to add, “Drive across the country” (the U.S., I mean!) to their own personal life lists. My husband and I would love to go somewhere very tropical, or very cold next. Any ideas? We’d also like to go for Hajj (the holy pilgrimage to Mecca in Saudi Arabia) someday. In terms of where we want to settle, there are so many future factors that will determine that answer, we really don’t know yet!

What do you do when you’re not doing Slice? I mean, apart from vegging out on the internet (like the best of us). What brings in the cash, kudos and contentment?

In addition to authoring Slice of Lemon.com, I’m the managing editor of Newlyweds-Dish.com; I also freelance and teach part-time. All of that brings in the cash, kudos and contentment, and of course, my husband brings all three to my life too!

Lastly, we want to know, in detail, where you get your scarves because the little, “Oh, I check out Target and HM,” is totally getting us nowhere.

Target and H&M! But I smiled when I read this question. Also, BP at Nordstrom on occasion, and gifts from friends and family (usually picked up from abroad).

Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions, Sabrina! We hope you guys, dear readers, enjoyed it, too.

~

Photograph © Sabrina Enayatulla. Used with permission.

* This is the other half of the reason.

 

Frenzy in the Athenaeum

Before you go rushing off to find out with Athenaeum means, it’s another word for library.  It sounds very Greek and awesome, so I decided to use it.

Just so you know, I want a library like this someday.  Filled with awesome books.

Well, I realize the whole world doesn’t run off of the same schedule, but some of us have hit finals week now.   Thank goodness.  That means that at least my chance of surviving the semester has had at least a fifty percent increase. 

Due to the fact that I am a history major, I do spend kind of a lot of time in the library.  The minor in literature doesn’t really help either.  Although I’m not in the library really as I really should be.  I find myself wandering out to the fine arts building a lot so that I can poke and irritate music majors instead.  I’m thinking of turning it into an olympic sport.  The goal?  See how many music majors you can get to threaten to lock you in a cello locker in under ten minutes.  Threats of being put in the garbage or locked in a display case also count.

But since I’m in the library more right now than in previous semesters, I know something about the usual numbers of people who show up in the library and their tendency to infiltrate the stacks in an attempt at peace and quiet.  Usually?  Not that many.  But when finals week rolls around?  Lots more.  Enough that I can’t seem to find a nice comfortable place to study where I don’t have to worry about disturbing someone by sneezing.

I’m also picking up on some very fun observations.  And asking a few very obvious questions along the way.  Such as:

• The library advertises that they’re open later during finals week than any other time of the semester.  Does that mean that they are also spending more money on power and making sure that the building is sufficiently staffed?
• Do the librarians find themselves in a frantic state trying to find books, shelf books, and send out late notices?  Do they start waiting at the computers just so that they can send out notices to the people who have overdue books and that they can charge late fees for?
• Are the people from tech support running around frantically as well to keep everyones’ computers alive and sputtering for one last week?
• How many people take the stairs rather than the elevator in their search for a quiet area to study?
• Do people find themselves panting as they haul themselves up and down multiple flights of stairs?
• Are people still confused that there is no entrance to the fourth floor of the library from the main staircase?  Are they confused by the fact that there are two third floors?
• Is anyone still willing to take the time to watch TV shows on library computers for fear that someone will see and mob them for taking a computer that they could have used?
• Does anyone else get a thrill of excitement when they turn in twelve books at once that they no longer need like how I did? (They were all research books.  If they had been for pleasure reading, that would be a different matter entirely.  As it is, it was a very satisfying experience.)
• How many people are posting on Facebook right now about how Osama bin Laden is dead?  Which people are clicking “like” on the “How the USA shows up a Royal Wedding” page?
• Does anyone else notice their backpack getting heavier as they press the “up” button in the elevator?What kind of force is being applied in order to make said backpack feel heavier?
• When and how do people clean elevators?  How awkward would it be to walk in on someone cleaning the elevator?
• How many people are writing blogs in order to procrastinate writing their last paper of the semester?

Whoops.  The last one might just be me. 

Have a wonderful week everyone, whether you’re struggling with finals, enjoying the chance to sleep in an extra fifteen minutes some mornings, freaking out about finding a summer job, already have a job and you’re freaking out about how insane your boss is, on summer vacation and making me jealous, chasing little kids around the house and STILL making me jealous, out partying the nights away, or whatever your life takes you to do this week.  Have a good one and good luck!!

Whipped

In all of those chick flicks WHICH OF COURSE I NEVER WATCH WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A MASOCHIST? there’s always this guy who, when he’s caught doing things the girl wants, is forced by his guy friends to admit that he is ‘whipped’:

Tom: ‘I am buying this cereal ’cause my missus likes it.’
Carter: ‘Jeez, dude, you’re whipped. Hahahaha!’
Tom: ‘I am NOT whipped.’ /jawclench
Carter: ‘Dude you’re so whipped!’ /weeping with laughter

And how, I want to grump at them, is this a bad thing? WHY is it a bad thing? And what is the term for a girl who does what the guy wants?

There isn’t one.

At least, I don’t KNOW one. (Unless it’s ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ewwww ‘babe’.)

Which kind of says it all. It’s okay for a girl to do what it takes to make the guy she’s with happy. But if the guy does the same, his reputation will be slaughtered, slowly and with much ridicule.

Guys, you are like whipping cream. It is your destiny to be whipped. That watery milky stuff is not what you are meant to be. You are meant to be magnificently light and go well with cake, and strawberries, and tribulation, and maybe curry.

An Old Rant with a Makeover

Wow, a month without any new posts?  Good gravy, rock-poolers, we are SLACKING!!!!!!!!!!  But only because of our impressively busy and hectic lives, I promise.  But really, we need to get back with the program, so I will at least apologize for my own blog silence and promise to at least attempt to do better.  If there’s any other completely uncommitted promise that I could possibly make, I will make that one too.

Well, back to an old rant I guess, but it’s kind of a classic. Which one?  Well, women and our self-worth and the way that we see ourselves.  Maybe it’s just because it’s one of my absolute favorite soapboxes, but really, is there any woman out there who doesn’t struggle seeing herself as beautiful or worthwhile out there?  If she/you is/are out there, she/you should contact me.  I would love to know how she/you do it.  And if you can make out that sentence then you automatically win ten brownie points.  Which might not be enough for me to actually send brownies (due to the fact that I am a cheapskate and have no time to send brownies to anyone), but please, feel free to indulge!!!  Brownies and icecream!!!  Oh heavens, I love food.  Possibly a little too much, but that’s not gonna stop me anytime soon.

Most of this post was inspired by Kaimalino posting this article on Facebook.  It’s a good read, really.  It’s a woman writing about how we allow our daughters to wear skanky clothing so that they can be pretty and be accepted.  And trust me, there is no way to downplay being pretty and accepted.  Good gravy, I thrive off of attention, especially positive attention.  It’s the drama queen in me.  Sometimes I go for attention from girls that I think are prettier than me, and since they’re prettier than I am they must be from “a higher caliber.”  Really, I’ve used that phrase before in conversations with people.  Once again, I thrive off of the drama, which is a habit I really need to break ’cause it’s not doing me a whole lot of good.  Tell me that you don’t look at other girls sometimes and say the same thing to yourself though.  “She’s prettier than me, she has longer legs and bigger eyes and beautiful hair and has fashion sense and knows how to do makeup, and so clearly she’s better than me.”

But if you’re anything like me, that’s not the attention you really crave.  And yes, I realize crave is also a word generally applied to the unadulterated desire/need for food… I promise, I’m not even hungry writing this.  I just like food, that’s all.  But getting back on point, just about every girl/woman out there looks to one particular source for attention.  You know exactly which one I’m talking about.

Men.

I admit it, guys are usually the first ones I turn to for any kind of attention.  (Such drama.  Ugh!)  And I’m willing to do just about anything for that attention.  Let’s face it, sometimes we women do some stupid things for a guy, or just for guys in general.  Which might ruin one of my usual wise-cracks about men being run only by their hormones, but really, tell me that you haven’t done something to try to impress a guy at least once.  We dress a little differently if we know we’re going to be around men, at the very least.  And sometimes we do get that attention.

But my question is, what kind of attention are we getting?

You know that phrase about how “It’s not what’s outside, but what’s inside, that counts”?  And how “It doesn’t matter what you wear”?

Someone lied.

Or at least they didn’t tell the whole truth.  People have a great knack for looking at what we wear more than at anything else.  Really.  I’ve spent several months, if not years, experimenting with this concept.  I used to spend most of my life running around wearing camouflage with split ends all through my hair, zits up and down my face, a too-large-sweatshirt, and combat boots.  Still do, every once in a while.  Never underestimate the awesomeness of wearing camouflage.  I still love my camo and boots and stuff.

But I had very little positive attention from any guys.  I made a couple of really great guy-friends, but they fully expected me to be able to beat them into the ground if I wanted to.  Which I could.  And it’s very handy to me now.  Not to mention it’s downright entertaining to be able to grin at a friend and have them slowly inch their chair away because they’re never quite sure what you’re gonna do.  The spontaneity of each situation is completely worth it.

Outside of those friendships though?  Most of the attention I got was negative.  One of the clearest expressions I remember seeing on any guy’s face was contempt, whether they knew it or not.

Eventually I think my taste in clothing turned a bit more feminine, although I still didn’t really go out of my way to be pretty.  Still don’t, sometimes.  For any guys out there reading this; you should probably know that being pretty is tough work, so don’t underestimate the effort that goes into it.

The next phase that I really remember is when I started Blues Dancing.  It wasn’t really that I was dressing differently.  It was that I was moving differently.  There was only one instance where I dressed immodestly, and trust me, I got asked to dance a lot more when I was wearing a tank-top than I ever did wearing shirts with sleeves.  And then I added in learning how to move differently, like being able to move different parts of my body sort of independantly of each other.

I got attention from men.

And it was completely different than anything else I’d had before.  There were times when I could have sworn that my friend was going to start salivating watching me dance.  And there are some guys who take it as an opportunity to try to get their hands on you.  Even when you do dress modestly and make it very clear that you’re not there for anything other than dancing.  And in some sick way, it’s hard for anyone not to think that way. 

I thrived on it for quite a while.  I had rarely had any attention from guys like that before, and so it was a novelty, and therefore it was exciting and it felt good.  And I started looking for some of that attention in other places, trying to manipulate similar reactions out of men who normally wouldn’t look at any woman that way if they could help it.  Which just makes me feel sick to my stomach now.  It was disgusting and just flat out wrong.

A little more recently (thank goodness; I don’t think I could handle it if I was still in that phase) I started trying to dress a little differently.  It’s not the healthiest thing for my checkbook (really, I don’t go shopping that often, and I think what I bought was pretty versatile and flattering, so I’ll get over it), but I decided to try to dress in a way that makes me feel beautiful, and I make sure that it’s modest so that I feel absolutely comfortable with my own body and how people (and in particular, men) look at me.

It’s an awesome change.

If nothing else, the way you dress affects how YOU feel about yourself.  I dress differently, and I carry myself differently.  I walk with a slightly different posture, when I’m in public I look people in the eye a little more, I smile a little more confidently.

And the change in responses is huge!

I was talking to a couple of guys who might well have looked down at me a few years ago.  They were willing to hold an intelligent conversation with me, and they compared me favorably with a person that I completely respect and almost hero-worship: My brother.  They looked me in the face, and there was an expression I hadn’t really seen there before: Respect.

I walked into a store and the lady at the register smiled at me a bit longer than she normally would have.  Of course, it helped that I was certain to be polite and smile at her the whole time, and for all I know it was just because she was thinking “this poor girl is trying so hard to be something that she’s not, it’s like watching a little kid play dress up.”  I really hope that wasn’t what she was actually thinking– otherwise it would ruin my whole point.  But she dealt with me a little differently than she normally would have.

Of course, there are a few things that don’t really change.  Or if they do change then there’s something wrong.  Some of our friends should still be treating us the same.  This is where the inside stuff really does count.  If it doesn’t, clearly we’re gonna need some new friends.  The fact that I had a purse only made one friend take it from me and hit me (gently) with it, just so he could say that he had hit a woman with her own purse.  And so I took it back and smacked him (a little less gently) with it afterwards.  I let him hit me twice or three times, so my hitting him once a little harder did not cause me any particular guilt or shame.

Here’s what I’m trying to say.

We claim that we don’t judge people based on first impressions and what they wear.  Sorry.  We lie.  And people will always be judging us on the exact same things.  I am not saying that we should go out and dress in an entirely different way so that we will get different responses from people, in spite of the fact that it is both interesting and informative.

We claim that we’re confident and strong women, that we deserve the respect that comes with that.  We complain incessantly about how men were checking out our bodies instead of talking to us.  We say that we’re not shallow, that we want something more than a physical connection with another human being.

So why don’t we dress that way?

Maybe we should try dressing in a way that makes us feel like we’re human beings, not just toys to be dressed up and looked at for someone else’s pleasure.  Maybe we should consider not showing off everything we have just to get some guy to look at us.  We’re meant to be more than eye-candy: We’re meant to be beautiful.  We should be confident enough to dress in a way that tells the men around us that we deserve their respect, and that we are gorgeous, strong, beautiful, smart women with more to us than an expensive, low-cut shirt that nearly fails to cover anything.  We’re worth a lot more than that, ladies.

For the men who dare to read this and endure my scathing comments about people who just happen to possess an XY chromosome: We do deserve your respect.  We shouldn’t have to feel like we need to dress indecently to get your attention.  Yes, we do have beautiful bodies– we’re kind of genetically programmed to.  But we are people living inside those bodies.  We need to be treated like people.  Could you maybe help us out a little bit?  Please, try to stop looking at us like we have no greater worth than that expensive outfit.  In a ratio of money to amount of fabric put into that outfit, sometimes it’s a complete rip off.  I guarantee there are some fascinating patterns in the ceiling when all else fails, and honestly, you’re much more likely to earn my respect if you don’t look at us like that.  Could you please help us break that cycle here?

You might think I’m being preachy, and maybe I am.  I don’t mean to tell you that you’re wrong, and at the same time, I have to say kudos to the women who are brave enough to dress modestly.  But no matter what you think about me, my religious views, my social views, or anything else, there is one thing that I can tell you, which is that we are worth more than that.  And we deserve to be treated like something more than that.  Yes, we want attention from men, but we deserve respect.  We do have to try to do something to help them out a little bit though.  A plenty good place to start is dressing like we deserve something more.  Eventually the rest will come.

A bit of sweetness for you. . . . .

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

I am back from the bakery with 120 festively-frosted oatmeal-sugar cookies for the third graders at my son’s school.

Mmmm. . . .

I ordered 10 dozen, thinking that was plenty for the 106 children I was told to plan for, plus a few buffers in case there was, you know, an incident with me and my other little boys.

I should’ve gotten more.

Want a closer look?

Here.

Every one is different, like snowflakes only yummier.

And here.

I don't especially approve of mixing cookies and candies, but some eight-year-old will be thrilled.

Valentine’s Day is a hard holiday for lots of people, but in third grade, it’s still uncomplicated and good. Just treats and cards with corny jokes for everyone. Maybe it’s not like that forever, but for now, it’s nice.

While addressing valentines last night with my boy, I watched him consider writing something rude on the card for a girl in his class. She’s dished out plenty of unkindness lately, but even so, she deserves a friendly valentine. I didn’t bother to philosophize or try to explain to my son that as an American woman, she will likely have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day for the rest of her life, and no way would I allow him to contribute to that turmoil while they are both still learning to navigate the foreign waters of good manners and peer relationships.

 I just said it’s important to be nice and make sure everyone has a day where they feel liked.

He left his card with a simple “To/From” message and we stuck a small package of candy to it.

For all the sadness and upheaval in the world, there are many sweet parts. May you find a few of them today–whether they are cookies or beauty or friendship or true love or a parking place at the impossibly crowded grocery store–and know that I wished them for you.

Let the incident begin!

That One Day

We need some new posts up here. (Hint, hint, other Rock Poolers!!!)

And while I’m at it, welcome back to the worst day of the year (Valentine’s Day).  Feel free to visit again next year.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll be feeling a little more hospitable toward you then.  I know, I know, and I admit, Valentine’s day is a wonderful time of year and has a lovely idea behind it.  But I, like many other single women (and possibly single men, but I don’t think I have any right to speak for them), have my issues with it.

One issue, mostly.

It makes a lot of us single people feel like crap because we’re not getting shiny or scented or chocolatey presents like how all of the people who are in relationships are.  Fortunately, I think everyone that I’ve run into that is in a relationship is always conciliatory toward any snarky singles around the time of Valentine’s Day.  Mostly because they’ve been there.  Fun fact.  Anyone in a romantic relationship has been single at some point or another.  Amazing how that works. 

I think I’m a little more snarky about Valentine’s Day this year than usual, simply because (brace yourselves!) I actually was in a relationship.  My first one, oddly enough.  And it all ended kind of quickly, which certainly didn’t help.  Long self-indulging story short, it was an odd relationship, and an even odder situation to be in.  And yes, it was good.  And if the poor idiot who went out with me is reading this I hope he’s making funny facial expressions and turning bright colors.  Simply because that would make me laugh manaically.  Which might scare some of my roommates, but if they’ve put up with me this long then I doubt I could drive them off if I tried.  Kudos to them.

But there are always the after-effects.  Like bizarre dreams and a greater longing for chocolate goodness.  More than usual, that is.  I have some very bizarre dreams under even the best of circumstances.  And the desire for chocolate is just a given.

Even at my worst moments though there are a few things even I gotta admit.  The first is that relationships make us look at our priorities a little differently.  Not just about relationship priorities (you know, where suddenly the way someone smiles seems more important than their taste in music), but about a lot of things in general. Like how much I miss my family sometimes, and how much I need my God.  Among other things.

For instance, afterwards I started realizing that I needed to be doing homework again and (gasp!) actually put some effort into it.  I also remembered exactly how important a lot of friends are to me; a fact I’m afraid I neglected for quite some time.  And oddly enough, when I was smack in the middle of said relationship, I didn’t worry as much about if thing would work out between us.  I think he was doing more than enough of that for both of us (sorry if you’re reading this, he, but I couldn’t leave that out!  Honesty is a curse… especially when it comes pouring out of my mouth.  Hee hee hee).  The odd part was that the thing I worried about if the relationship did work out was that it would somehow destroy my literary genius.  Writing, I mean.

I know.  That’s weird.  Has anyone else out there in the world felt a little odd writing romances for characters when they’re in the midst (more or less.  Often less) of one themselves?  Maybe it’s because I assumed that writers wrote romances in order to fulfill some part of their lives that apparently had not been previously satisfied.  I mean, really, you can believe it reading some of Stephanie Meyer’s stuff.  Teenage hormonal fantasy, that one.  And I can’t believe I just described those heinous books so kindly.  But there is another day and another time to rip those dreadful things to pieces.  And I certainly look forward to it. *Evil grin*

Returning to the original idea of priorities now.

So to put off the horror and utter disgust surrounding Valentine’s Day this year, I combined those three priorities.  In order to get out of doing homework, I decided to do something highly bizarre for one of my friends, and I am now writing about it. 

Turns out, the all guys choir on campus is singing to people for Valentine’s Day… for a price, of course.  Which I paid.  Just to see if I can embarrass my friend ever so slightly (she knows who she is- sorry, but it’s one of those things worth writing about).  And yes, she knows about this already.  Unfortunately, someone else has gotten there first, but I figure I can go for a repeat performance and see if these guys get better with practice.

And yes, I fully expect her to retaliate sooner or later.  That’s part of the fun of this whole situation.  I’m intrigued to see what she comes up with.

So here’s the goal for all of the single people who might be inclined to be snarky this Monday.

Find something entertaining to do.  Find something to do for a friend, especially.  Take a little time to laugh and joke and just plain have fun.  It’ll make the day worth it.  I promise.  It makes every day worth it.

Storage

Throughout all the silent screaming this child makes me repress,  probably putting great stress on my internal organs,  I have to remember her toddling up to me, Mr. Potato Head in arms and piping: “Mawm! Can you opeth Mithter Potato Head’s butt for me?”

Beauty and the Gym

First of all, I must apologize profusely for my recent silence.  It was mostly unintentional, but there have been some oddities that I’ve been forced to deal with until I have turned snarly in the face.  But I think it’s about time that I finally post something.

If you’re wondering about the title, yes, I am doing something that resembles a rip-off of Beauty and the Beast.  Except that in my life, the Gym is certainly not like the Beast from the story.  And definitely not like the one from Disney.  Because that is an amazing movie and the Gym is… not.  Very much not.  Amazing, that is.

I think every woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and discussing exercise of any kind tend to shun gyms for one reason or another.  There’s all the usual reasons and excuses that you hear every single time and that we use every single time.  “I’m too out of shape to go to the gym,” “I only do such and such exercises while I’m there, and they don’t have anything for that,” “I don’t want anyone to see me there (which is an excuse I use to get out of going to a lot of things, and while a lot of people think it’s ineffective, I think it’s a perfectly legitimate excuse),” all of those.  But I think one of my roommates and I may have found one of the real reasons that we struggle to go to the gym.

Everyone there is a little too beautiful.

I realize that’s not always the case.  Going to the gym at five in the morning to go work out before classes or work, you run into some people there that are not what we always classify as being “beautiful.”  There’s the cranky middle-aged woman that takes the weight-lifting machine that you were just considering using but you don’t dare confront her because you’ve seen her put it onto the highest setting and because she’s currently glaring at you and that’s generally a good time to turn away and work on something else.  Like the exercise you were just doing.  That’ll work.  Or there’s the eighty year old man with a paunch and scrawny looking legs running on the track that still manages to lap you six times in the half hour that you’re brave enough to run on the same track as him.

Well, there’s the other motive for staying away from the gym.  It’s just humiliating.  But back to motive one.

I actually went to the gym a few days ago.  A few days being the beginning of the week.  Why?  Because they have a rock-climbing wall there.  And because I had friends there who were all going rock-climbing.  And in spite of my pitifully small stature and ridiculously short arms, I enjoy rock-climbing a lot.

But the gym at my school is a little daunting.  Rock climbing doesn’t require gym clothes, and so I came walking into the gym with my jacket and messenger bag still on and a pair of rented climbing shoes in hand.  And then I began the long walk down the rows of people on exercise machines to the rock wall, which of course is conveniently located on the other side of the gym.  Which gave me a very good opportunity to look at all the people in the gym.

All of the men are wearing white tee-shirts and black shorts, and if they’re not built, they’re ripped.  There’s not enough fat on any of them for them to float if they’re treading water.  And they’re all lifting and running and flexing.  I decided not to look at any of them for too long.

All of the women are also wearing white tee-shirts and black shorts or pants with their hair tied up, riding exercise bikes next to three other girls gossipping about their collective lives, or else they’re working out near their boyfriends, or else they’re running on their own with an iPod or the equivalent strapped to their arm.  And their tee-shirts are never baggy like how mine are, and obviously they’re wearing some pretty expensive shorts because they’re certainly not as baggy as mine are either.  Their tennis shoes are very new and white and shiny, and I swear they make their legs look even prettier.  And yes, they really are very beautiful.  I don’t want to downplay that in any way.

My problem is that I will always be comparing myself with these women who are all at least six inches taller than me and, to my mind, suddenly infinitely more attractive than I am, just because they can ride an exercise bike for however long and gossip with their friends when I don’t think I have the energy for either.

But I think I just realized the problem with that.

Yes, I can remember what their bodies look like.  Well enough to be plenty jealous.  But for the life of me I cannot remember a single face from that gym.  Nothing distinctive comes to me.  Nothing from a pair of gorgeous eyes to a pointed nose.  No one with acne, no one with freckles, no one sweating, no one with a pretty smile or a painfully contagious laugh.  Nothing that makes them different than anyone else in that gym.

You know what I think?

I think we look in all the wrong places for beauty.  We look for something physical, something so obvious that we can’t see past it and probably never will.  And you know why we will never see past it?  Because we will never want to.  We see what we want to see in that first shallow layer.  We will not bother to strip it away and see the beauty that lies underneath.  We may never be able to see the person.  Just the body that they occupy.

I guess maybe there’s a reason that my gym clothes are baggy on me and why I sweat profusely when I’m trying to run laps, and why my hair turns from flowing to pasted to the top of my head.

Maybe it’s because it gives me a chance to see people with pointed noses and gorgeous eyes and acne and freckles and pretty smiles and contagious laughter.  Physically, I’m not really a beauty.  I battle with myself over it on a regular basis, physically and mentally.  And what woman out there doesn’t?  But it makes it so that I can learn to see past that in other people.  I get to see something else that few people will ever bother to see.  Which let me tell you, is completely their loss.  You know why I say that so many guys are idiots?  Because there are all of these wonderful, gorgeous women out there in the world, and so many guys will never see it. 

I certainly don’t mean to speak disparagingly about gyms.  I appreciate the whole thing about how they’re meant to help us become more fit and healthy and all of that good stuff.  And it is good stuff.  (Speaking disparagingly about guys, that I might be doing on purpose.  Just a little bit.)

But gyms go back to the ancient Greeks, and the reason that they were called gymnasiums is because they were where men would exercise naked.  Just so that all the other men could see how great their bodies were and humiliate them into working out just as hard to have just as good of a body.  Thank goodness women didn’t have to deal with that kind of humiliation.  They only had gyms for women in Sparta, and thankfully they wore clothes there.  (Yes, I study history.  What gave it away?)

But I guess I have a very different challenge from anything you would find in a gym.

1)  If you know any women that really loves to workout, let me know.  I want to meet her.  Maybe I can go work out with her and be infected by her enthusiasm.

2)  Look for the beauty beneath the surface in other people.  If you haven’t already, you’ll be amazed.

3)  Find a little bit of that beauty in yourself.  And yes, this applies to YOU!  Whether you’re male or female, young, old, no matter WHAT your circumstances may be.  You’ll be stunned at what you find.

Hey, every single human being out in the world is the most beautiful person on earth.  We just have to see it.

This January

In this cold  (so cold) dark, snowy, gray and cheerless January, I’m thinking rather than doing.

 

I’m thinking about the colors pale aqua, white, pale pink and crimson.

 

Huskies. I’m not an animal person, and definitely not a dog person, but if I was, I would run out right now and procure one. Beautiful, haunting faces.

 

 

Lemons. Meyer Lemons.

 

Do I want to live here anymore? In this state? In this country?

 

Will. Learn. To. Knit. If. It. KILLS. ME.

 

Can one kidnap one’s own husband? Is this allowed? What are the repercussions?

 

Seed catalog time. After last year’s dismal failure due to being unable to keep a squirmy one year old from running the entire 15 feet from our front door to the street – I’m a little unsure about my ability to be outside and absorbed with dirt and watch her at the same time.

 

How does one make math hilarious? And fun? I sure as hell don’t know.

 

Do not give your toddler a 5 lb. jar of river stones under the guise of Montessori teaching/play/blahblahblah. Every time you think you’ve put them all back, the jar will be just a little less full than it was the last time, but you mysteriously won’t be able to find any more pebbles.

 

 

What do you do when your sister moves abroad? Probably permanently. With your fat little nephew who might starve for want of auntie kisses?

 

My computer sounds like a cow in labor. Pretty sure that’s not normal.

 

Dishwasher broke. Feels like it took forever to wash dishes and yet somehow I managed to clean up for the night way before I usually do. Maybe washing dishes by hand causes a time warp.

 

Really, really want to build this. And then go somewhere. Anywhere as long as it isn’t here.

http://portlandalternativedwellings.com/homes/

 

Worried that I won’t get enough chubby toe gazing in before my baby’s  feet turn into my husband’s. Or mine.  She’s two in a half, how much more time do I have?

 

Was asked to be at a friend’s birth. Was excited. NOW AM PANICKING. She thinks I know something about having babies?

 

Guffawing word: HUMANURE!

 

And lastly, trying to be good. Do good. See good.

 

Deep into January and perhaps suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, what are you thinking of?

Bright Young Things

It must be admitted that my weakness for girls in pretty dresses has led to some pretty poor decisions. But it’s okay, because they didn’t do any permanent damage because we’re (just) talking about books. The only damage happening was up there.

It must also be admitted that when Bright Young Things fell into my lap, tagged with ‘gorgeous socialites’, ‘flappers’ and ‘scandal’, and likened to Gossip Girl, I thought uh oh. As a rule without exception, I abhor scandal; I can live without flappers, and I doubt I could ever strike up a conversation with a socialite, gorgeous or otherwise. And Gossip Girl? Twelve kinds of twisted. Not my kind of book, no thank you.

O thou hasty in judgement! Anna Godbersen writes genuinely beautiful prose. It’s a pleasure to read the way jam is a pleasure to lick off your paws. With that kind of marketing, I never would have guessed, which is the reason that every time I picked up Luxe (‘ooo pretty dress!), I put it right back down again.

‘If she could have foreseen everything that was to happen in the next couple of weeks, how sleepless and manic and full they would be, she might have tried to get some rest, too. But her eyes were wild, and there was so much electricity in every corner of her head and heart – she was too alive with awake dreams…she wanted to see the sun coming up in another state, and everything else the world had been holding out of her reach.’

General summary: Bright Young Things is set in New York City in the last summer before the Depression hit, while Prohibition is still in force, and follows the stories of three young women. Cordelia and Letty leave their small Ohio town for New York City, where Cordelia searches for the father she’s never met (who turns out to be a notorious and rich bootlegger). Letty, her best friend, has ambitions for fame which take her to unexpected and sometimes unpleasant places. And in New York, they meet the perfect and poised Astrid (and despite that according to the blurb, she is ‘hiding secrets’, it’s not yet clear what her deal is), who is a puzzling mix of softness and steel.

I’m not exactly sure I would recommend this, because it does have sticky moments, but I was surprised by the lovely and evocative vividness of the writing (I will most definitely be reading the next one). And as ever, because books aren’t read in a vacuum and also because I hate writing reviews and have a sad inability to stay on-subject, the story’s themes picked at thoughts in my own head, like Cordelia’s relationship with her father, and the part where he tells her not to do something, she thinks she knows better and does it anyway, and Bad Things happen. There is also a strong thread of family loyalty and how you can dislike someone but you can’t beat the genetically hard-wired sense of something (be that duty, possessiveness, love, whatever) out of yourself despite it all. It’s like Emily found:

‘Emily was up against one of the contradictions of human nature. She was learning that you may fight with your kin – disapprove of them – even hate them, but that there is a bond between you for all that. Somehow, your very nerves and sinews are twisted with theirs. Blood is always thicker than water. Let an outsider attack – that’s all.’

- ‘Thicker Than Water’, Emily Climbs.

I thought about that a lot, especially because of the unlikely connection between Cordelia and her new-found brother, who met and disliked each other as strangers, but when they discover they are siblings, have to reconcile their initial dislike with the fact of their relatedness. Family relationships are a little underrated in a lot of teenage fiction, and where it is written, it isn’t always convincing – it’s more like a boring sideshow (that even the AUTHOR finds boring) when really you want to know about THE BOY and will he live happily after after having wooed and won THE GIRL? It’s a little silly, but there you are. But well-portrayed complicated family relationships = win. Especially since I’ve also been watching Gilmore Girls*, which revolves around the daughter-mother-daughter relationships (and family relationships in general). A lot of work has to go into making it work. As Lorelai tells Rory, ‘We have to talk, always. Our particular special thing only works if we agree to that.’

I’ve been staring at the word ‘daughter’ and reading and re-reading it. It is such a strange little word. Daughter. Dawter. Door-ta. Dawta? Dogtar. Dog star? Dot. Dotty. Dottir. Dottore. Dogtor. It becomes more and more meaningless with every repetition…try it. No, go on, really. It’s trippy.

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Bright Young Things by Anna Godbersen, bestselling author of the Luxe novels, was released by Penguin Razorbill yesterday. For more information, or to read an extract, visit http://www.bytseries.com/.

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Quotes are taken from ‘Bright Young Things’, by Anna Godbersen, supplied to The Rock Pool for review by Razorbill, an imprint of the Penguin Group.

* Conversation-starved junkie seeks fellow junkie to talk Gilmore Girls with: apply anywhere. Rigorous conversation skills desired, will pay in kind.